Sh** My Toddler Says

After seeing a hay truck:

Austin-das hay mommy!

Me-what eats hay?

Austin-horses!

Me-that’s right!

Austin-causes gas

Me-the hay gives the horses gas?

Austin-yeah

Austin-donna take a shower

Me-the horses have gas and have to take a shower?

Austin-yeah

In response to us telling him it’s dinnertime:

-I don yike dinner!!!!

-I don YIKE eating!!!!

On the way driving home:

Me-we’re almost home! Guess who is at home Austin?

Austin<blank stare>

Me-Daddy is at home!

Austin-No! Daddy no at home. Daddy at Costco

Me-Daddy’s at Costco? What is he getting there?

Austin-ummm. fru snacks!!!

While driving on the freeway:

Austin-swow down!!!

Me-you think the cars should slow down?

Austin-go too fast! Yook out!!

When Henry is begging for food:

-No Henny! Walk away Henny.

Trying to tell a knock knock joke:

Austin-knock knock

Me-who’s there?

Austin-knock knock

Me-no, honey.. this is where you say the joke…

Austin-knock knock

Me-<sigh>ok….

Austin-Mommy coffee fall over!!!

**for the record, I did not spill coffee and I have no idea where he got this…

And my very favorite:

Austin- hole hands, Mommy!

**and I have to reach back and hold his hand in his car seat the whole way home.. and my arm goes numb but I don't care. He plays with my fingers. Melt my heart...