Project 857- December 13

As most of you may know.. this Saturday was a bit rough in our house.

I knew the day would come where we had both kids sick... so the day finally came. Granted, in the grand scheme of life this is definitely not the most sick our kids will ever be... that I know is yet to come.

As far as what Neal and I had experienced though, this was the roughest day/night we've had so far.. especially since it was the first as parents to two kids.

The day started off good, other than Austin had croup. He came into our room in the wee early morning hours, crying and coughing and in an instant I was like "It's croup. There go our plans today."

We were supposed to go to a playdate and then to Zoo Lights with friends. Even though cold air is good for croup, so being outside would be good... the last thing I wanted was to be the parent that brought the croup-kid to a playdate and had him hack all over all the other kids.

Once we were all up and dressed we went and got coffee and did some shopping.

Austin loved these random duck friends that were hanging outside the Starbucks.

 "Quack! Where's my latte??? Gimme a latte. Quack."

Owen had a new hat to wear and was so happy to show it off!

Then somewhere... things fell apart.

We got home from shopping and Austin got a little lethargic.

We watched a lot of cartoons, and read a lot of book. Yes, I said "book." Non-plural. Because he is quite obsessed with this pop-up book that was mine as a kid..

Ask by the end of the month if I have this memorized, and the answer will probably be "yes."

We got Austin down for a nap, and when he woke up he was feeling a bit better but still coughing. He decided to grab his brother and do some yoga on Neal's new yoga mat.

Yes.. my husband bought a yoga mat. And is going to start doing yoga. I know, it shocked me too!

Then someone got tired again.

All through the day we struggled with Owen too. We didn't know what was wrong with him, but he wasn't nursing well.. lots of unlatching, pushing on me, arching his back, kicking his feet, fussing... not like him.

He also wasn't napping.

We tried holding him, walking him, laying him down, swaddling him... nothing was really working and he cried hard, big real tears many times during the day. Also unlike him, since he's been a jolly little elf lately.

We assumed it was a tummy ache because he was pooping and farting constantly so we spent the day trying to work out his tummy ache.

Then.. came bedtime...

8:30pm: Austin given cough medicine and put to bed

9pm: a restless Owen nursed and put to bed

10:30pm: Neal and I in bed

11:00pm: Owen restless and needed soothing

12:00pm: Owen restless and needed soothing.. but as soon as we touched him, he started crying SO HARD. Actually, he was screaming. I tried to latch him on. He turned his head refusing, and screamed harder. Neal tried to bounce him. Nope. Neal went and heated up a bottle of milk we had in the fridge and Owen ate that, but fussed a lot.

1:00am: Owen back in bed, settled

1:30am: I hear Austin crying in his room. I go in there and he's coughing and struggling to breathe. I hold him on my lap and rock him, get him to match my breaths and calm down so he can breathe better. Neal gets him water, more medicine.

2:00am: Austin is settled and Neal gets settled on the floor in his room to listen over his breathing the rest of the night.

2:30am: I'm awake and Googling if we should be really concerned with Austin's croup. I pop my head in his room and Neal tells me he is sounding better.

3:00am: Owen is up and nurses ok this time.

4:00am: Owen is up again and starting to do the really fussy thing like he did before so I grab him and bring him into bed with me.

7:00am: we get 3 hours of sleep and Owen wakes and nurses in bed just fine.

7:15am: Austin is awake and in good spirits.

7:30am: Neal and I down some major coffee.

Parenting merit badge earned. Oh how lovely to know there are countless nights like this still in our future...

Napping Deja Vu with Baby #2

I will admit- I had to Google the spelling on that. :-)

Anyways... I am finding that Baby Owen is a spitting carbon copy of Baby Austin in so many ways... yet I'm still finding it hard to deal with him some (a lot) of the time, even though certain behaviors are not alien to me..

Napping.

Or I should say, lack thereof. Owen will NOT nap. At least not nap well, or for a long time. Austin was the same way. I remember taking him the doctor once just to see if something was wrong with him because all I could get him to do was nap for about 15 mins all day long.

(Note- nothing was wrong with him, he was just an "active" baby that needed a lot of help to fall asleep)

History repeats itself... Owen nurses, is awake and happy and checking things out for about 10 mins after eating.. then the "tired" noise starts. Oh boy... what's my plan of action this time?

Swaddle?

Swing?

Rock and hold?

Crib?

Couch?

Front pack?

Car seat?

We've tried them all and they all work sometimes and are epic failures other times.

Lately it's taken me at least 30 mins (sometimes an hour) to soothe him to at least the point where his eyes are closing.. all the while he's getting more and more cranked up, more and more tired and making his body more and more stiff and harder to hold and soothe.

Why do I get so frustrated?

Austin did the same damn thing. I should be used to this.. or at least know what to do... I blogged once that trying to hold and soothe him was like trying to hold a log- stiff and impossible to cuddle.

It's not that I don't wrack my brain with how I can fix this..

We burp.

We sway.

We rock.

We try nursing again.. ok, nope.. you are playing around on there, obviously not hungry.

We try massage.

And finally, FINALLY he falls asleep.

Oops... gotta scratch my nose.. oh god, I need to scratch my nose!!!! Ok.. quick scratch... ahhh... better...

DAMN IT!!!!!!

Moving my arm woke him back up!!

Here we go again... rock and soothe.. sway and walk... swaddle, unswaddle.. swing? Nope, hated that..

Bounce, bounce, bounce...

I'll be honest. I'm exhausted from having to do this all day, everyday... just to get him to finally snooze for about the time it takes me to go to the bathroom or get more water.

Austin finally just grew out of this... about 6 months later.. Sigh. That's a long time from now. I'm getting to the "very frazzled" point.

Not to mention, I'm terrified to go anywhere with Owen because if he gets to the overly tired point... well.. let's just say the kid has some powerful lungs on him and he is not afraid to use them.

I know I struggled with this same thing with Austin, but back then I didn't have toddler Austin around who basically gets ignored or told to be quiet all day long because all day every day is devoted to "Get the Baby to Sleep Before He Screams Even Louder Than He's Screaming Now."

Anyone have any bright ideas I can try?

Other than duct tape over his mouth?

I'm kidding.

Maybe.

Baby Owen- 1 month!

I was hoping we'd have a cool nickname for Owen.... we called Austin "The Great Bambino" and all his blog posts got that tag... we called Owen "Baby Yeah" for a bit because Austin came up with that nickname.. but then when we decided on a name, it became "Baby Owen" and that seemed to really stick. We still call him that constantly.

So he might be Baby Owen until he's 18.

Here is how things are at 1 month!

-We should have named him Grunty McNurse-a-lot. For obvious reasons.

-Weighs 8lbs 2oz. I did a scientific weigh-in by weighing myself, then weighing again while holding him. Still in newborn sized clothes but getting close to being in the next size.

-Totally loves the front pack. Like LOVES it. I wear him in this everywhere we go, around the house, cooking, eating dinner, blogging.. everything. Thank heavens for front packs!

-Does not sleep consistently. Not even close. Some days we have really good days. He nurses, then sleeps and wants to nurse 2-2.5 hours later. Repeat. Other days he only cat naps for about 20 mins all day long. Some nights we get some good chucks- 5 hours!!!- other nights we are up from midnight to 6am, trying to get him to sleep.

-Nursing is going good. He is down to about 20-30 mins total, nurses from both sides and I feel like my supply is good. Yeah! I've also gotten more comfortable with nursing when and where we need to... parking lots, the zoo, the beach,  a playground. I am still proud to be exclusively breast-feeding!!

-He likes his carseat.. if its not in the car. We've gone on morning walks and now have him sleep at night in his seat and it's working fairly well so far.

-He is very "chatty" like Austin was... likes constant attention, doesn't like to be put down, grunts and coos and fusses constantly. Not a lot of quiet around our house nowadays..

"Ma!!! Where are my boobs???"

-Is strong and holds his head up well, pushes against me and already likes to "stand" while being held. Another active explorer, I think.. yikes.

-Is a total Mommy's boy. When Austin was a baby I was always a bit sad that he wasn't super cuddly or attached to me. Austin loved Neal. He slept on Neal a lot, was comforted by Neal more than me.. now with Owen, I got my "wish" (careful what you wish for!!). He doesn't really like anyone other than me and will fuss and cry if I leave the room, or if he's away from me for too long. He calms down instantly with me and snuggles in.

sorry for the nursing bra pic, but that's my reality!!

-If he is ok with being put down, he likes to just kick it out on a blanket.. the lights of the TV and the spinning ceiling fan already capture his attention.... as do stories from Daddy.

-Overall, he's a bit of a difficult newborn. Trying to figure out how to get him to sleep well, the fact that some days he wants nothing other than to nurse constantly, the very passionate LOUD cry when he's upset.. it's been a month in learning patience and finding our groove as a family of four.... but the cuteness makes it worth it!

And how is Austin??

In some ways, amazing. He loves to "see" Owen and tells people that's his baby brother. He kisses him and wants to hold him and give him pacifiers and show him toys.

He is also having his struggles. He wants to be carried while we are walking more often. He's whining A LOT. He's fake crying over little things a lot more. It's all attention-seeking and him trying to adjust to all the attention given to Owen, so we are trying to get through it day-by-day. Some days are hard... with major tantrums over EVERY.SINGLE.THING, some days are better.

Two animated, active, loud boys...

If anyone is ever bored, come on over to my house. You won't be after 5 minutes.. I promise!!

We Survived the First 2 Weeks!

I had forgotten how crazy the first few weeks with a baby are... the constant nursing, the no sleeping, getting used to hearing crying again...

And then you add in having a toddler... and life very quickly got really crazy. We made it though, and here is how little Owen checks in at 2 weeks old..

Day we came home from the hospital

-Weighs 6lbs 14oz (8% for weight)... 20.5" long (42% for length)... So he's still our little dink. He gained 11oz in just a little over a week! More than they expect newborns to gain, so I feel proud of both of us for getting that weight piled on!

-Is exclusively breastfed! It may seem silly, but I'm proud and overjoyed to have made it even this far. We had to supplement Austin with formula 3 days after he was born because I didn't have any milk for him to eat... so making it 2 weeks of just me and my boobs... that is a huge accomplishment in my world.

-Is a crazy-arm flailing sleeper just like his big brother. Those long skinny arms get into all kinds of weird positions.

-Is not the best sleeper... he usually takes a few good long stretches in the morning, and then is more awake and erratic in the afternoon and evening. His days and nights are mixed up. Sometimes he eats and immediately goes into a milk drunk sleep.. sometimes he has to be soothed to sleep and is a little more difficult to get down.

-Speaking of nights... we've had a few legit sleepless ones. We will go to bed around 9pm and Owen and I are still awak at 4am... constantly nursing, trying to soothe him, shush him. To be honest, I get close to loosing my mind on those nights. A person can't function on no sleep at all. And to have him be so fussy and cluster nurse like a piranha is exhausting.

-He's very oral and talkative like Austin was. A lot of grunting and groaning and whimpering noises.. even while he sleeps. He makes the same "eee-yah, eee-yah" noise Austin did when he's hungry.

-Speaking of hungry... this is my boob kid. Wow. He was a little piggy on me the first few days of his life... trying to get my milk to come in, and come in it did. Holy porn boobs!! I had to sit with ice packs on my chest, they hurt so bad.

-He is a pretty erratic nurser as well... we are definitely NOT on any kind of "nurse, then 2 hours later he'll be hungry again" schedule. So that has made having visitors over a bit hard. Everyone wants to come see us, which is awesome... but Owen is not that content to be with anyone but me for very long. Sometimes we get a few hours between nursing, sometimes only 20 mins.

-He has long skinny chicken legs and long skinny funny feet and toes. I totally adore them!

-He hates diaper changes, and wasn't that impressed with taking a bath, either.

-Austin seems to be adjusting ok. He wants to "see Baby Owen" a lot so I have to show him his face and usually confirm that yes, that's Baby Owen, and no, he is no longer in my tummy. We've had some sweet moments with Austin giving Owen kisses, we've also had some "be careful!!" moments where Owen has almost gotten squished...

So there we are... life in a nutshell is all about nursing, boobs, grunting, soothing and more nursing.

We are surviving.. and enjoying getting to know Owen!!!

The Boob vs. The Bottle

Oh, the great breast-feeding debate.

When you become a Mom you quickly find out that there is a huge battle being fought out in Mommyland regarding what is the best way to feed your baby... boob or bottle?

Of course, we all know breast milk is best. It has everything baby needs, it travels along with you, it establishes a bond between Mom and baby, and on and on and on. There are die-hard breastfeeding advocacy groups out there that shun formula and encourage breastfeeding until your child is going to enter Kindergarten.

This overzealous community of breastfeeders out there, however; can very quickly make a susceptible person such as myself, feel guilty about any breastfeeding difficulties that may arise....

It was always my intention to breastfeed Austin. There was really no other option in my mind. I knew it would be inconvenient at times, and exhausting, and frustrating... but I knew the rewards would be a healthy happy baby.

Well.... what do you do if you are breastfeeding and you don't have that happy baby everyone said you'd have? And you just keep running into issues such as...

-not having a large milk supply
-having slow let down (as in, your milk doesn't flow out very fast)
-having a very slow nurser
-having a gassy fussy baby
-and having a fussy, fussy (did I mention FUSSY????) baby

I'm at a crossroads. Austin is 1 month old and other than about a week where we had to supplement him with formula to get rid of his jaundice, my boobs have been at his beck and call and he's exclusively breastfed. I'm doing my Mommy duty and giving him (what I hope) is everything he needs.

Well, sadly....all the issues I mentioned above are my breastfeeding reality. I have wracked my brain over and over trying to figure out why my baby isn't happy... why he is fussy and crying (and a lot of the times screaming) whenever he is awake... and grunting and groaning and moaning and waking himself up when he's sleeping??

Maybe I'm not producing enough milk and he's hungry?
Well, I've tried milk production cookies, pumping to increase my supply, and fenugreek to pump up my supply. So far I still have not turned into a milk cow. I nurse him whenever he acts hungry, even if I just nursed him 20 mins earlier...still he fusses, cries and cries...

Maybe something I'm eating is transferring to him and giving him gas?
I cut out dairy (the #1 culprit in newborn gas) and he still fusses and grunts in pain every day.. usually for hours.

So... what do I do?

Do we soldier through and hope that he grows out of it, or that things improve?

Or do I cave and start supplementing him with formula again... in hopes that the combo of giving him more food and giving him something that doesn't have my body chemistry (and whatever is in my milk that is upsetting his tummy) will lead to a happier baby (and happier Mommy)?

I can't help it though.. I feel guilty giving him formula. Really really guilty. I feel like since I am producing milk and since I can breastfeed him, I should breastfeed.. and only breastfeed him, even if that means we spend ALL DAY doing nothing but nursing.

The fact that I don't have a happy milk-drunk baby that is a result of just my breast milk makes me feel like a failure of a woman. I'm sad and frustrated that my body is apparently not doing what it should be doing to make life for Austin a happy existence.

Is formula the "Saving Grace" I've been seeking?? Would one or two bottles of formula a day, on top of nursing, help his disposition? I know it would help on days like today where I nursed him every 30 mins and spent the non-nursing minutes trying massages, baths, leg pumps, back patting, soothing, gas drops, and everything else I could think of to help his tummy.

I am waving the white Mommy flag and saying "ok! I give! I need help! My baby is unhappy everyday... I'm frazzled and worn out and my brain is out of ideas on how to help him..."

But is introducing formula the solution????

I don't know if I can get over the guilt hurdle that is in front of me... I know a lot of Moms give there babies formula, and I'm not in anyway judging them... but I feel like if I start supplementing Austin on formula.. I myself will be judged by all those who are so pro-breastfeeding they view formula as evil.

Any fellow Mommies out there have any advice?