No Sleep and The Beginning of the End..

I wrote in my 4-month update on Owen that we were 100% breastmilk and that I was SO proud.

That streak is now broken.

Yep, we've introduced formula.

It wasn't an easy decision (even though Austin was almost 100% formula fed, it was still hard to make that decision for Owen)... but it has been on my mind for a few weeks now.

Why?

Because we are dying a slow death of not sleeping.

Let me backtrack..

Literally the day after Owen turned 4 months, he started sleeping horribly. He used to nurse at 8pm, be down until 2-2:30 am, nurse, then be up at 6am. Up ONCE to eat.

Suddenly, he was up twice a night. Then it was three times a night.. Then four some nights... then more some nights...

Then the last few weeks (since  right before Christmas) it has been three times a night (on a GOOD night)... and on a bad night? EIGHT TIMES he was up.

The day after Christmas Neal and I drove home with Owen and I was so tired and so sleep-deprived from the previous weeks that I was physically sick all day. Nauseous, shaky, I couldn't stand up (no, I'm NOT pregnant)... we were cleaning the house and I had to keep lying on the floor to not throw up. My eyes burned, I was not well.

This terrible sleeping has continued... and I'm losing my mind.

I'm not concentrating at work well, I'm snappy and short-tempered toward Austin, I'm a total b**** at 3am to my husband.

I couldn't function on less than 2 hour chunks of sleep (sometimes less), every single night anymore.

Obvious reason for this was the dreaded 4-month sleep regression, right??

I researched it and we tried to just "ride it out..." and we have been for the last month.

Things aren't getting better and we are days away from the 5 month mark and he was getting worse at night.

What was going on with Owen???

So I'm taking a shower Sunday night.. swaying and near tears thinking about how it was almost "bedtime" and I was facing another night of up-every-hour... and it just hit me.

We needed to do something.

We needed to get Owen full, satisfied, settled... and SLEEPING.

I realized my stubbornness to not introduce formula was primarily so I could brag that I was "exclusively breast-feeding."

See, that was a club I was desperate to be a part of when I had Austin and I was denied entry into that club.. so when I finally made it in this time with Owen, I was willing to fight tooth and nail to not give up my membership.

But as I took a shower, I realized my stubborn reason was negatively affecting my entire family.

I was sleep deprived and emotional and bitchy.

Neal was sleep deprived.

Owen was sleep deprived and not sleeping well during the day either

Austin got a Mom who was too tired to play with him, too tired to talk to him, who brushed him away and told him him to go do other things because I needed to sit and be tired.

I was being selfish.

I told Neal that night, I was ready to try formula at night, to see if that would help Owen sleep. I needed to get off my high horse for the sake of my family.

I cried when I gave Owen that bottle, and prayed that I was doing the right thing. We nursed, then he got 2oz of bottle to top him off.

And... it did nothing.

He was up ALL NIGHT Sunday night again. I was nursing every (barely) two hours, and I had nursed every (barely) two hours that whole day too.

What was going on?

We tried it again last night.... he got a 4oz bottle at bed at 7:30, then went down. I pumped an hour later. We got a 3 hour stretch out of him, but he was hungry again.. so I nursed... and he was hungry AN HOUR later. Neal gave him another 4oz bottle and he was HUNGRY AGAIN TWO HOURS LATER.

WHAT THE HELL.

We are also sleep training and encouraging him to self-soothe, sending Neal in the room instead of me, and with all that, Owen did great. But he still wanted to eat three times last night and he RAVENOUSLY ate. It didn't matter if it was bottle or boob... he wasn't getting enough.

Sleep training, proper sleep environment, bottles, boobs... and still no sleep.

And before you think we hadn't tried everything in the past month to get him to sleep.. let me assure you we did. Swaddle, un-swaddle, swing, carseat, white noise, music, bottle of breastmilk, cereal before bed, bath, massage, rocking, stories, warm room, cool room, sheets that smell like me, etc...etc.. etc...

You name it, we tried it.

So another epiphany today... and I don't know why I hadn't thought of this.. but Owen isn't eating enough during the day.

He's back-loading at night because he's so hungry. It all seems so simple and so clear now.

He gets 4oz bottles at daycare, and nurses in the morning, evening and weekends. Even though he isn't crying or unhappy after his bottles... I don't think he is full. This 4oz is enough to make him not hungry.. but not full either.

That would explain the every (barely) 2 hours of nursing we've done all weekend long for the last few weeks. And the eating all night long.

I looked up how much a 5 month old baby should eat.. and read it was most common to be at 5-6oz. Some even were at 8oz.

My boobs are not making that much.

I knew this day would come... I am not a big milk producer, and I knew we'd hit a day where Owen needed more from me than I could produce... that day is here.

My decision to start supplementing, is then, (I believe) the right decision for us.

If I didn't work outside the home, I'd be more than willing to nurse on demand.. but pumping at work, and trying to squeeze out enough for his (now bigger) bottles.. that's stressful. I already have panic attacks on days I don't pump as much as I think I should.

I realize that supplementing is most likely the beginning of the end of nursing.. I'll slowly produce less I'm sure.. and part of me is sad, and part is ok with that.

I made it way farther than I did with Austin, and farther than I thought I would when I was pregnant with Owen. He got almost 5 months of nothing but milk from me. Now he needs more, and Momma needs some help.

My freezer milk with help, but it won't last forever... and I plan on nursing on the weekends and mornings and evenings for as long as I can.

So maybe the answer all along was more food.. and it just took me a month to realize that.

Let's hope that the bigger bottles and the bit of supplementing after nursing will help settle this little one better.. .sleep a bit better and we can all get back to feeling normal and not near-zombies.

Here's hoping for better nights, and better days in the near horizon...

The Toddler Food Trap

Maybe we should have just stuck with purees forever.... 

I said I’ve never do it..

But it happened anyway.

I fell into the trap of feeding my kid special “toddler” food and became a short-order cook.

Anyone who  has kids, or any parenting website out there (if you dare actually read those things) regarding toddler nutrituion will tell you the same thing: your kid should eat what you eat. Don’t give them food just for them or you will create a picky eater.

Yeah.. well… whoops.

Here’s how it happened…

First off, I work 40+ hours a week, and have a 30 min commute each way to work. So I’m gone from the house for about 11 hours a day. That leaves little time to prepare anything too complex or fancy.

Second off, the first half of the year Neal is coaching baseball which means I come home to an empty house and a hungry kid to entertain and feed at the same time.

Third off, my kid is already picky. The second we introduced anything beyond purees back when he was about 8 months old, he started refusing food, spitting it out, turning away and gagging. Broccoli pureed into oblivion? Loved it! Broccoli with some chunks. GAG GAG GAG. 

It was a battle from the beginning of “real” food with him.

We had to coax him to eat real food so it was easy to fall into the trap of “feed him what we know he will eat”…. Which meant he ate different food than us, because we just wanted him to eat period.

I’d come home from work, set him up with his dinner of Toddler Food:

-hummus/crackers

-string cheese

-chicken nuggets

-griller meatless patty

-applesauce

-PB & J

-mac n cheese

And that was about all the variety he got for months. I just didn’t have the time or energy to create diverse foods for him and the few times I tried, he refused a single bite and I melted down into tears and an anxiety attack over my “kid who won’t eat a f***ing thing” and all the time I wasted trying to make meals for him.

In an effort to save my sanity I gave into the Toddler Food trap.

I knew it wasn’t good or the way I wanted to parent but I didn’t know what else to do. He’d come home from school and be STARVING (at least he’d act that way) and make such a fuss I HAD TO FEED HIM IMMEDIATELY.

So while he ate his Toddler Food, I’d pick up the house, do dishes, or start me and Neal’s dinner which we would eat much later, or even after Austin went to bed.

It bothered me. A lot.

I’d see friends’ kids eat awesome, eat everything offered, have this diverse palette and here I was…. Struggling to get my kid to even TOUCH fruit or veggies (literarlly… he barely touches them and recoils his hand as offended) and going nuts worrying about how I was raising “that” kid who would be in 5^th grade and only eat cheese.

I snapped and told Neal one night that a new rule was starting in our house.

No more Toddler Food.

Austin was going to eat what we ate for dinner, when we ate dinner, and that was it. If he didn’t eat, then he’d spend some days hungry and get the picture. At least I’d hoped this is what would happen.

We started this 2 weeks ago and how is it going?

Meh.

Out of the last 2 weeks I think he’s had 3 days where he ate our dinner great and I felt so happy and proud! The rest of the time, he picks it up, puts it down, says “no” and proceeds to squirm out of his highchair and fuss.

Sigh.

But I’m sticking to it, and there have been a lot of nights where he has had no dinner, and well.. he hasn’t starved yet. But he hasn’t quite gotten the gist of this new situation yet either. I think he is manipulating us a bit because he’ll scream with hunger the minute we get home, so he will get a snack to tide him over until dinner. Well sometimes the snack is bigger than we meant.. and then guess what? Dinner is refused and Austin got the cheese stick he wanted.

Well played, kid. Well played.

So time to amp up the strictness of this… he has a snack at 3:30pm at school. I KNOW he is not starving to death when we get home at 5:15. So he is just going to have to wait until dinner.

We’ll see what happens… last night was a big fat mess of Austin screaming for what seemed like forever, wanting to be in his high chair and acting hungry, then refusing dinner and screaming louder. It was a lot of fun. Believe me.

And I hate to see him not eat anything at night.. I have a feeling it’s going to be a battle since he is so stubborn.

So yeah… I screwed up. Somewhere along the line I didn’t introduce food the right way, or at the right time or in the right texture or who the hell knows.. but now I’m digging myself out and sucks.

Who knew it was such an “art” to start kids on solid foods?

Any moms out there have tips?

Oh wait.. that’s right. Every kid but mine eats everything on the planet. Nevermind. J

I'm Like a Ninja

Its one of the Mom skills I have developed.

Well, really I’ve had to develop it out of necessity because I have a toddler now. And he’s tricky. And difficult sometimes. And stubborn (who did he get THAT from? Hardy har har).

So I’ve had to learn to be one step ahead of the kid and super sneaky.

I’ve become one of those Moms who hides healthy food in other foods that their kid will eat.

Something about this just screams “one of those Moms” and “Mom jeans and minivans” to me, because I never thought I’d have to do this. But alas, it has come to that.

When Austin started solid food he was a champion eater. Carrots? Loved ‘em. Peas? Couldn’t get enough. Every single food we gave him he gobbled up.

I glowed.

“My kid is a good eater! I’m doing something right!”

Then came textures…. And food after food after food went into his mouth… and came right back out with a scowl and a confused “WTF is this?” look shot my way.

We tried EVERYTHING. I pureed veggies and fruits into different sizes and textures. Spent hours chopping them into perfect sizes for him. No go.

After multiple attempts and Austin time after time spitting out every fruit and veggie and throwing it on the floor or dumping out his plate or bowl, you start to re-evaluate the situation.

The kid needs fruits and veggies. I don’t want to buy him pureed pouches until he is 14. We were wasting money on my attempts to try and introduce fruits and veggies to him.

Not to mention his diet looked like this:

Meatloaf

Crackers

Yogurt

Applesauce

Crackers

Yogurt

Cheese

Meatloaf

Goldfish

Crackers

Crackers

You get the idea. That was ALL he’d eat. Not a well-balanced diet for a growing boy.

<Enter Mom Ninja Mode>

The lightbulb went off. I could make him smoothies since he loves anything he can drink!

Out came my blender….onto Google I went for recipes and voila!

Austin now sucks down smoothies with banana, mango, peaches, pineapple and spinach in them! And we’ve only just begun!

I’m going to try strawberry, avocado, melons, berries.. anything I can smoothie-up with some almond milk.

Haha! Take that kid! Look at all those nutrients you are getting now!

His love of meatloaf has turned me to making him a combo of ground turkey, grated carrots and zucchini. 

And he eats it like there is no tomorrow.

The Me Diet....

I got a lot of great comments from my friends about my weight issues post the other day, including some good tips on how to change my diet to help me with my weight loss.

I’ve actually been researching different “diets” and ways of eating to see if any of these are for me.

So far, I haven’t found anything because of one major hitch- I stopped eating dairy.

<Ok, ok.. truth- I cheat sometimes. There was a baby shower and some fondue that needed to be consumed… so.. let me rephrase:>

I eat dairy-free 95% of the time.

The story goes like this…

For my whole life I’ve had what I always classified as a “sensitive stomach.” It seemed like almost everything I ate would give me indigestion, gas and bloating. I battled my whole adult life with this… trying probiotics, medicine, antacids, herbs… everything I could think of and anything I could find out there that was supposed to help align your digestion.

Nothing worked. NOTHING.

So then I get knocked up… and milk and dairy becomes one of my BIGGEST cravings… and I felt amazing everytime I consumed it. Especially Oreo Blizzards.. mmmmm…

Then after I had Austin I continued eating pretty much how I was eating when I was pregnant.. and the stomach pains started coming back.

When I was nursing we started to experience the whole “fussy baby who acts like he has gas” thing and of course the first thing Lactation Nurses will tell you to do if you are nursing is to cut out dairy and see if that helps your baby’s gas.

So I did.

And lo and behold… no more stomach pains. NONE!

The things that I thought used to give me gas, like peppers and beans, no longer did. Why ? because before I was eating those things as a Mexican feast with cheese and sour cream. On their own, they didn’t bother me a lick.

Not only did the no dairy help Austin, but it was immensely helping me too, so I stuck with it even after we were done nursing.

Now that dairy is no longer part of my life, I have started to rely on other foods to fill me up and excite my taste buds… and most of these foods do contain carbs.. we eat mostly protein, veggies, stir fries, currys, rice, pesto pastas, things like that. 

So what is the problem you ask?

Well, the two major “diets” I’ve looked into- Paleo and Eat Right for Your Blood Type- have conflicting info regarding dairy and carbs, so now I’m conflicted.

Paleo says to eat what cavemen would have eaten: berries, nuts, protein… no dairy, no grains.

Ok, well I can do the no dairy thing easily.. but no grains I have a hard time with. I just simply don’t like meat and eggs enough to eat eggs every morning and meat every night. I would get so damn bored. I like my oatmeal for breakfast and my occasional pasta or rice for lunch/dinner…

The blood type diet says that my blood type (A+) should be a vegetarian. So no meat, soy protein only, and…. Plenty of dairy and carbs.

Well, I’m not going to do that because I don’t want to go down the dairy thing again.. and I don’t want to start increasing my carb intake because I cut out meat. 

So what the hell do I do???

Naturally I ask my husband. Being a health teacher and athletic person, he is a huge advocate of the “Just Don’t Eat Crap and Exercise” diet.

In his opinion, grains (good grains) are important, meat is important, dairy is important (if you can stomach it) and exercise if very very important.

So to make living with him easier, I’m following his advice.

All grains I consume will be whole grains, multi-grains, etc.

Dairy is still out (except the occasional fondue)

Fruit and veggies a-plenty.

Meat and eggs and protein when I feel like it.

And I just gotta get off my ass.

He’s skinny. His tummy is flat… maybe the man knows what he’s talking about…

Happy Little Food Rut

I have realized I’m in quite a food rut during this pregnancy.

It’s a good rut though, and I’m quite happy in it… but every week when I make my grocery list I realize I have been eating the same things over and over and over again for weeks now.

My pregnancy staples?

Bob’s Red Mill High Fiber hot cereal:

This stuff packs 10 grams of fiber per serving! Plus flaxseed, omega 3’s.. all kinds of good stuff. Neal said it looks like sawdust.. which it totally does, so it’s now nicknamed my “sawdust cereal” but it actually tastes pretty good. I eat this stuff every single morning with a fresh apple chopped up on it.

Yogurt:

Tillamook has become my favorite. It’s local, they use no growth hormones, and the Huckleberry is amazing.. and a flavor you don’t see in other yogurt brands since Huckleberries are pretty uniquely Oregon. I eat one every single day with tons and tons of Grape-Nuts mixed in it.

Fruit:

This varies slightly, depending on what is on sale that week, but it could be grapefruit, pears, or grapes.

Chocolate Almond Milk:

Totally obsessed with this stuff! I tried the vanilla once just for kicks and giggles and didn’t care for it.. I need the chocolate! I take a to-go cup full of this stuff with me every morning on my drive to work.

Almond Butter:

I’ve made the discovery that I have an intolerance to peanuts and peanut butter (sad, I know…) but whenever I eat PB I end up with sharp horrible intestinal pain. So, almond butter has become my new BFF. Two pieces of toast with tons of almond butter every morning in the car on my way to work! Mmmm…

Mexican Food:

Any kind, any time, any form… we eat some kind of Mexican meal at least once a week and it always sounds good to me. The combo of cheese and fresh tomatoes and hot sauce just really appeal to my taste buds right now.

Soda:

I know… not the healthiest, but it’s become a total treat for me. Neal will have a beer on a Friday movie night, and so I’ll have a soda. Root Beer has been my biggest pregnancy flavor craving, but any kind makes me really happy. Ahhhh…. Sugar and bubbles. Who needs champagne, right???

The War Inside my Head

There is a war raging inside me everyday.

The war of the candy bar.

See, for whatever reason, I am craving candy bars like no one’s business recently in my pregnancy. Usually, I can pass candy bars up. I like them, they are great around Halloween and stuff, but I never actually buy them, or hunt them down.

Not anymore…. Lately I am constantly thinking about them, dreaming about them, and hunting them down with a vengeance. It’s craziness!!

I know I shouldn’t indulge to this craving all the time, which is what made the War of the Candy Bar start inside my head:

Bad Side: “man, I really want a candy bar. A Twix. That’s it.. that’s what I want REALLY BAD!!!”

Good Side: “uh uh!!! No you don’t! You are just craving sweet. Have this lovely pear instead.”

Bad: “I don’t want your stinking pear! That’s not chocolate, I want CHOCOLATE!!”

Good: “oh.. you’ll live. You had a Twix yesterday, remember? One is enough for now.”

Bad: “oh you hush up! That was yesterday! Today is a new day!!! I have a dollar. A dollar is all it takes…”

Good: “How about this lovely nectarine? Or some fruit juice?”

Bad: “you are so lame, Good. Besides, I’m pregnant. People tell me I can eat whatever I want.”

Good: “you do know that your Dr. is the Weight Nazi and will call you out if you gain too much weight.”

Bad: “whatever. The baby needs chocolate and carmel and crisp cookie layers.”

Good: “You better not whine to me later about how the cellulite is spreading on your thighs….”

Bad: “That is why they invented self-tanner, my dear Good…”

Guess who won out?