Project 857- December 13

As most of you may know.. this Saturday was a bit rough in our house.

I knew the day would come where we had both kids sick... so the day finally came. Granted, in the grand scheme of life this is definitely not the most sick our kids will ever be... that I know is yet to come.

As far as what Neal and I had experienced though, this was the roughest day/night we've had so far.. especially since it was the first as parents to two kids.

The day started off good, other than Austin had croup. He came into our room in the wee early morning hours, crying and coughing and in an instant I was like "It's croup. There go our plans today."

We were supposed to go to a playdate and then to Zoo Lights with friends. Even though cold air is good for croup, so being outside would be good... the last thing I wanted was to be the parent that brought the croup-kid to a playdate and had him hack all over all the other kids.

Once we were all up and dressed we went and got coffee and did some shopping.

Austin loved these random duck friends that were hanging outside the Starbucks.

 "Quack! Where's my latte??? Gimme a latte. Quack."

Owen had a new hat to wear and was so happy to show it off!

Then somewhere... things fell apart.

We got home from shopping and Austin got a little lethargic.

We watched a lot of cartoons, and read a lot of book. Yes, I said "book." Non-plural. Because he is quite obsessed with this pop-up book that was mine as a kid..

Ask by the end of the month if I have this memorized, and the answer will probably be "yes."

We got Austin down for a nap, and when he woke up he was feeling a bit better but still coughing. He decided to grab his brother and do some yoga on Neal's new yoga mat.

Yes.. my husband bought a yoga mat. And is going to start doing yoga. I know, it shocked me too!

Then someone got tired again.

All through the day we struggled with Owen too. We didn't know what was wrong with him, but he wasn't nursing well.. lots of unlatching, pushing on me, arching his back, kicking his feet, fussing... not like him.

He also wasn't napping.

We tried holding him, walking him, laying him down, swaddling him... nothing was really working and he cried hard, big real tears many times during the day. Also unlike him, since he's been a jolly little elf lately.

We assumed it was a tummy ache because he was pooping and farting constantly so we spent the day trying to work out his tummy ache.

Then.. came bedtime...

8:30pm: Austin given cough medicine and put to bed

9pm: a restless Owen nursed and put to bed

10:30pm: Neal and I in bed

11:00pm: Owen restless and needed soothing

12:00pm: Owen restless and needed soothing.. but as soon as we touched him, he started crying SO HARD. Actually, he was screaming. I tried to latch him on. He turned his head refusing, and screamed harder. Neal tried to bounce him. Nope. Neal went and heated up a bottle of milk we had in the fridge and Owen ate that, but fussed a lot.

1:00am: Owen back in bed, settled

1:30am: I hear Austin crying in his room. I go in there and he's coughing and struggling to breathe. I hold him on my lap and rock him, get him to match my breaths and calm down so he can breathe better. Neal gets him water, more medicine.

2:00am: Austin is settled and Neal gets settled on the floor in his room to listen over his breathing the rest of the night.

2:30am: I'm awake and Googling if we should be really concerned with Austin's croup. I pop my head in his room and Neal tells me he is sounding better.

3:00am: Owen is up and nurses ok this time.

4:00am: Owen is up again and starting to do the really fussy thing like he did before so I grab him and bring him into bed with me.

7:00am: we get 3 hours of sleep and Owen wakes and nurses in bed just fine.

7:15am: Austin is awake and in good spirits.

7:30am: Neal and I down some major coffee.

Parenting merit badge earned. Oh how lovely to know there are countless nights like this still in our future...

The Red Labels

Back when Austin was a baby I blogged quite a bit about my struggles to breastfeed him. It was a challenging, sad, and humbling experience.

This time around, I am successfully breastfeeding.. but I haven't talked much about my success. I feel like talking about it.. :-)

The red labels.

These are what designates breast milk bottles from formula bottles at daycare. With Austin, I'd drop him off each morning and put his formula bottles in his classroom fridge.. and I'd die a little inside. Almost every other baby in there had red labels. Red label bottles FULL of breast milk.. while I struggled for 12 weeks to get just drops for him.

I felt guilty and sad everyday, and to be honest, I still haven't gotten over it completely. It will always be a little bitter place in my heart.

So when Owen was born I was determined to do things better.

Thankfully Owen was a good nurser, and we didn't battle severe jaundice like we did with Austin... so my milk came in, with a vengeance.

Pretty much no one but me held him for his first month of life because I latched him on to me constantly. Every few minutes if he wanted. Every little cry or fussy period.. on to the boob he went. All of my friends and most of my family saw my boobs... and I particularly embarrassed my Uncle when he came over to my Mom's once and I answered the door while nursing.

Whoops.. but I was the only one home at the time, so you gotta do what you gotta do..

Since I didn't fully experience breastfeeding with Austin, the whole thing was pretty new to me. The commitment. The sacrifice. And it took some adjusting.

I turned down social activities because I wanted to nurse and didn't feel comfortable doing so in public (the mechanics can be tricky!) or Owen was fussy and I wanted to just nurse him constantly.

I eventually got better at nursing in public and did so at the zoo, the park, parking lots, grocery stores, doctor's offices, bathrooms... I didn't give in and take a bottle with me when we went places just because it was easier. Like I said, I was determined.

Sometimes it's good I'm so damn stubborn.

I wanted redemption for not being able to breastfeed Austin.

There were many, MANY times I wanted to quit.

When no matter what, Owen seemed unsatisfied.

When my nipples burned and latching him on made my toes curl in pain.

When Owen thrashed around and tugged and pulled on me, bit me, scratched me and wouldn't calm down.

When I was up from 9pm-6am nursing while Neal was sleeping.

When my eyes burned all day from those all-night sessions.

Thanks to my friends (Kenz and Amanda!!) for talking me off the ledge so many times and making me stick with it...

I'm proud, so very very proud, to say that we are 4 months in and exclusively breast milk.

I get to experience one of the very special parts of motherhood, and I'm so glad about it. Even if I dry up tomorrow, I will be content in knowing that this time.... I tried my hardest and achieved something I really wanted to achieve.

We are reaching a groove with nursing.. and the sweet part is starting. Owen gets soooo happy when I lay him on my nap and he knows he's about to nurse. He strokes me, and lays his little hand on me and offers smiles upon smiles when he's full and laying in my arms.

All those hours, all those tears, all the visits to the lactation room at work to pump during the day have paid off.

I get to put red labels on Owen's bottles. Everyday I get a little reminder of how much I worked for this.. and my heart is a little more healed.

Stay-at-Home Mom Chronicles

I got to enjoy several weeks as a temporary stay-at-home Mom during my maternity leave.

We kept Austin in daycare part-time, so his whole routine wasn't different while adjusting to a new sibling at home, and on the days I had both my kiddos.. well..

We had fun, we had a ton of diaper changes, hours of cartoons, messy crafts, a few "Don't tell your Dad I let you color on the carpet with markers" moments, park adventures, several tantrums, some tears, and many memories.

I wouldn't change it for anything.

Here is what we spent our days doing (picture overload!!)

Killing some time at Toys R Us one rainy day.. this was his favorite ride!

I mastered (kinda) the art of running to the store with two kids. God bless the car carts.. 

Walks and rides and baby wearing. Lots of baby wearing. 

We took naps... the one and ONLY time they slept at the same time. 

My kitchen looked like this, all day. Everyday. I swear the dishes multiplied when my back was turned.

Hours of baby cuddling.. he can be so demanding sometimes. Darn him. :-)

Austin helped me "make a list" before going to the store. This is him studying it. 

This kid is born and raised in the Pacific Northwest for sure!!

We eagerly waited for Daddy to get home... sometimes on the curb. With the neighbors looking at us oddly. 

Batman showed up a time or two.. he helped keep us safe from the villain "refrigerator guy" 

We had a lunch date with our favorite Auntie Mo!!

Arts and Crafts time.. only a little bit of paint ended up on the carpet. Oops.. another thing to "don't tell Daddy.." 

We stayed in pajamas all day some days.. play food just tastes better when it was made while wearing pajamas

Rare toddler naps in Mommy and Daddy's bed

Stormy days called for pajamas, gold chains and hot cocoa

Several weeks together and Austin still likes his baby brother!

The long summer meant days at the playground!

Tummy time...one expert, one novice

I let him brush my hair... at least my dark circles are hidden

Our last day together...he wanted to wear underwear and have a picnic. There were some potty accidents...but the picnic was the best ever.

Napping Deja Vu with Baby #2

I will admit- I had to Google the spelling on that. :-)

Anyways... I am finding that Baby Owen is a spitting carbon copy of Baby Austin in so many ways... yet I'm still finding it hard to deal with him some (a lot) of the time, even though certain behaviors are not alien to me..

Napping.

Or I should say, lack thereof. Owen will NOT nap. At least not nap well, or for a long time. Austin was the same way. I remember taking him the doctor once just to see if something was wrong with him because all I could get him to do was nap for about 15 mins all day long.

(Note- nothing was wrong with him, he was just an "active" baby that needed a lot of help to fall asleep)

History repeats itself... Owen nurses, is awake and happy and checking things out for about 10 mins after eating.. then the "tired" noise starts. Oh boy... what's my plan of action this time?

Swaddle?

Swing?

Rock and hold?

Crib?

Couch?

Front pack?

Car seat?

We've tried them all and they all work sometimes and are epic failures other times.

Lately it's taken me at least 30 mins (sometimes an hour) to soothe him to at least the point where his eyes are closing.. all the while he's getting more and more cranked up, more and more tired and making his body more and more stiff and harder to hold and soothe.

Why do I get so frustrated?

Austin did the same damn thing. I should be used to this.. or at least know what to do... I blogged once that trying to hold and soothe him was like trying to hold a log- stiff and impossible to cuddle.

It's not that I don't wrack my brain with how I can fix this..

We burp.

We sway.

We rock.

We try nursing again.. ok, nope.. you are playing around on there, obviously not hungry.

We try massage.

And finally, FINALLY he falls asleep.

Oops... gotta scratch my nose.. oh god, I need to scratch my nose!!!! Ok.. quick scratch... ahhh... better...

DAMN IT!!!!!!

Moving my arm woke him back up!!

Here we go again... rock and soothe.. sway and walk... swaddle, unswaddle.. swing? Nope, hated that..

Bounce, bounce, bounce...

I'll be honest. I'm exhausted from having to do this all day, everyday... just to get him to finally snooze for about the time it takes me to go to the bathroom or get more water.

Austin finally just grew out of this... about 6 months later.. Sigh. That's a long time from now. I'm getting to the "very frazzled" point.

Not to mention, I'm terrified to go anywhere with Owen because if he gets to the overly tired point... well.. let's just say the kid has some powerful lungs on him and he is not afraid to use them.

I know I struggled with this same thing with Austin, but back then I didn't have toddler Austin around who basically gets ignored or told to be quiet all day long because all day every day is devoted to "Get the Baby to Sleep Before He Screams Even Louder Than He's Screaming Now."

Anyone have any bright ideas I can try?

Other than duct tape over his mouth?

I'm kidding.

Maybe.

Baby Owen- 1 month!

I was hoping we'd have a cool nickname for Owen.... we called Austin "The Great Bambino" and all his blog posts got that tag... we called Owen "Baby Yeah" for a bit because Austin came up with that nickname.. but then when we decided on a name, it became "Baby Owen" and that seemed to really stick. We still call him that constantly.

So he might be Baby Owen until he's 18.

Here is how things are at 1 month!

-We should have named him Grunty McNurse-a-lot. For obvious reasons.

-Weighs 8lbs 2oz. I did a scientific weigh-in by weighing myself, then weighing again while holding him. Still in newborn sized clothes but getting close to being in the next size.

-Totally loves the front pack. Like LOVES it. I wear him in this everywhere we go, around the house, cooking, eating dinner, blogging.. everything. Thank heavens for front packs!

-Does not sleep consistently. Not even close. Some days we have really good days. He nurses, then sleeps and wants to nurse 2-2.5 hours later. Repeat. Other days he only cat naps for about 20 mins all day long. Some nights we get some good chucks- 5 hours!!!- other nights we are up from midnight to 6am, trying to get him to sleep.

-Nursing is going good. He is down to about 20-30 mins total, nurses from both sides and I feel like my supply is good. Yeah! I've also gotten more comfortable with nursing when and where we need to... parking lots, the zoo, the beach,  a playground. I am still proud to be exclusively breast-feeding!!

-He likes his carseat.. if its not in the car. We've gone on morning walks and now have him sleep at night in his seat and it's working fairly well so far.

-He is very "chatty" like Austin was... likes constant attention, doesn't like to be put down, grunts and coos and fusses constantly. Not a lot of quiet around our house nowadays..

"Ma!!! Where are my boobs???"

-Is strong and holds his head up well, pushes against me and already likes to "stand" while being held. Another active explorer, I think.. yikes.

-Is a total Mommy's boy. When Austin was a baby I was always a bit sad that he wasn't super cuddly or attached to me. Austin loved Neal. He slept on Neal a lot, was comforted by Neal more than me.. now with Owen, I got my "wish" (careful what you wish for!!). He doesn't really like anyone other than me and will fuss and cry if I leave the room, or if he's away from me for too long. He calms down instantly with me and snuggles in.

sorry for the nursing bra pic, but that's my reality!!

-If he is ok with being put down, he likes to just kick it out on a blanket.. the lights of the TV and the spinning ceiling fan already capture his attention.... as do stories from Daddy.

-Overall, he's a bit of a difficult newborn. Trying to figure out how to get him to sleep well, the fact that some days he wants nothing other than to nurse constantly, the very passionate LOUD cry when he's upset.. it's been a month in learning patience and finding our groove as a family of four.... but the cuteness makes it worth it!

And how is Austin??

In some ways, amazing. He loves to "see" Owen and tells people that's his baby brother. He kisses him and wants to hold him and give him pacifiers and show him toys.

He is also having his struggles. He wants to be carried while we are walking more often. He's whining A LOT. He's fake crying over little things a lot more. It's all attention-seeking and him trying to adjust to all the attention given to Owen, so we are trying to get through it day-by-day. Some days are hard... with major tantrums over EVERY.SINGLE.THING, some days are better.

Two animated, active, loud boys...

If anyone is ever bored, come on over to my house. You won't be after 5 minutes.. I promise!!

I'm an Introvert Mom

As time is closing in and I’m a handful of weeks away from bringing another person into my life and doing the whole newborn thing again… I’ve been reflecting a lot on how things went in the newborn days with Austin. What went well, what was really hard, what I could do better this second time around.

I don’t think it’s any secret that I had a hard (very hard) time adjusting to having a baby.

I cried a lot. I was not happy. A lot of days I just wanted to put him down and walk away and have some SPACE to think and not have someone clinging to me.

A big part of me feels very guilty about this, and I wish I could go back and enjoy Austin’s first few weeks/months more, but the other part of me knows that it was hormone/circumstance driven (remember- Neal was coaching baseball right as Austin was born and was gone for long days and I was alone). I eventually adjusted and really love being a Mom now. I am trying to look back at this dark time as a learning experience.

An article that popped up on my Facebook feed this morning hit the nail on the head so directly and perfectly I felt the urge to write this post.

It was about being an introvert and how that is a challenge when you are a parent.

Huffington Post- Why Parenting Is So Hard For Introverts

YES. YES, YES YES…..  this article rang true for me, and I felt some kind of “aha!!!” moment of clarity for me.

In case you don’t know, here are some traits of an introvert:

You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

Yes… when cashiers or someone in line somewhere tries to chat with me?? I cringe. One reason I don’t like being pregnant. It’s too much of a “come talk to me!!” beacon.

You go to parties -– but not to meet people

I only like parties where I know at least 90% of the people.

Networking makes you feel like a phony

Remember the hot minute I sold Stella and Dot jewelry? I could not handle trying to network. It made me almost physically ill

You're easily distracted

I start laundry, then wander off to clean a closet.. then start cleaning the bathroom, then decide to go thru my closet.. etc.

Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you

I could read all day and feel like it was the best day spent ever!

Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.

Shudder. I can be in front of a crowd no problem.. but then I want to slip through the back door and go straight home.

You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long

Yes. I become moody, I start having anxiety attacks, or panic attacks, I become bitchy… my mind pretty much becomes unhinged and I cannot deal with anything.

You're in a relationship with an extrovert.

Uh… duh. Have you met my husband???

You screen all your calls -- even from friends.

True. Sorry friends. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy to text or talk or email and I have to wait until that energy comes back to me. 

You have a constantly running inner monologue

Constantly. And I talk to myself. All. The. Time.

You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

Yes. Sometimes I avoid social things for weeks on end because I’m just not in a social frame of mind.

Now, being an introvert does not mean I’m anti-social or a loner. Not at all. I love my friends, I love parties, BBQ’s, get-togethers.. but there is only so much I can handle, and I have to be "in the mood" for social activities.

This article was interesting to me because the author talked about how she had the same struggles adjusting to motherhood as I did because being a Mom means you are never alone. Ever. Someone always needs you physically or emotionally, and that is draining on an introvert. We aren’t being selfish when we need alone time, we really truly need it in order to not get totally unhinged and become a monster. Our temperament just can’t handle the “go go go go go” nature of parenting a small child.

Even though I work outside the home and get 8 hours away from Austin, it is far from “down” time for me. My phone rings constantly, people are constantly in my cube asking me questions, emails are rapid firing into my Inbox, I’ve got deadlines and budgets to meet, presentations to make… I’m “on” for 8 hours. Then I pick up Austin and I’m “on” until he goes to bed.. then I’m “on” being a wife and friend to Neal until we fall asleep.

Reading this article is making me want to research this more before Owen arrives. Find ways to help parent better as an Introvert. I know newborns are needy and I’m hoping that just being aware I’m an introvert will make things easier.

It also made me feel a lot better about myself.

I’m not a bad Mom because I need time away from my kid (soon to be kids). It’s necessary, and makes me a better Mom because I can re-charge and come back to “mommy-mode” refreshed and energized.

I love my alone time but would always feel guilty about it. Sometimes I wouldn’t tell my friends that Austin was at my Mom’s for the weekend because I didn’t want to be labeled as someone who always dumped her kid off on someone else, because that wasn’t the motivation behind it. Or I’d feel guilty leaving Austin with Neal to go do something and I wouldn’t enjoy what I was out doing because I felt like I should’ve been at home.

I thought to be a “good” Mom I had to be the type that NEVER wanted to leave her kid. Ever. And the fact that I did make sure I got alone time made me less of a Mom than other women. Silly, I know.. but I still battled with those thoughts a lot.

I think now I have a new sense of peace about the type of Mom I am. And that is so refreshing. 

Now with Owen coming in 8 1/2 weeks or less... I am hopeful the adjustment will be a bit easier. 

Project 857- May 24

This Saturday post is brought to you by...

"Jessica went and saw the movie Fed Up about the childhood obesity epidemic and got freaked out and started reading labels like a hawk and decided to make some changes in how her family eats because we will not be part of that statistic."

If you haven't seen the movie, here is the jist of it- sugar is the devil.

And I don't mean the occasional birthday cake or cookie... this movie is about the hidden sugar in EVERYTHING - spaghetti sauce, crackers, "healthy" snacks, etc.

So I read some labels when I got home.

Austin's "healthy whole grain high fiber" breakfast cookies he had each morning?

14 GRAMS OF SUGAR PER COOKIE.

Oh my dear lord!

That is just not necessary. He doesn't need that amount of sugar at breakfast.

So I went grocery shopping like I normally do on Saturdays and I was on a mission to bump up the whole foods we eat, and make a better breakfast option for Austin.

Half my cart was produce... Change is good and I felt like I was off to a good start!

So I got home, and broke out my new BFF- the blender- and attempted to make Austin a breakfast juice.

Beet, carrot, orange, blueberries.

The verdict?

Eh. Too much beet. The beet was HUGE and I only used half and it was still too much. Austin took a few sips and that was it, and it was even too pungent for Neal and I... and I love beets. So lesson learned on that one. Beware of TMB- Too Much Beet.

For my next trick I made my breakfast banana muffins, but bumped up the health factor.

Whole wheat flour, ground flax seed, and half the amount of sugar the recipe called for:

I made a double batch and froze them... and got 5 weeks of breakfast for Austin! He eats in the car, so we have to do something easily transportable.

The verdict?

Awesome. You can't tell there is half the sugar, or the whole wheat flour, and Austin asks for more than one!

Since I was on a roll... I figured, why not make homemade almond butter too?

Toasted the almonds, blended them up...

The verdict?

Eh... not so much. It was messy, took forever to blend smooth, and didn't taste all that great plain. I added it to smoothies and that was good, but to eat just the almond butter? Bleh.

So that was the majority of my Saturday.

Slave to my kitchen.

But it's because that movie did freak me out a bit.... I'm not perfect and I try my best to feed my kid healthy food, as do all Mom's, but being made aware of what is actually in some of things I thought were "healthy" was really humbling. I could do better. I could make more of an effort and give him a better foundation for a healthy life.

I just hope my efforts will pay off for him in the long run.

Don't worry, we did have some fun that day too... that evening we went to a BBQ at our friend's house. Austin had fun being a crazy monkey and charming baby Guiliana!