So... It's Spring! I Guess. But Not Really.

The most popular weekday ever, Friday, has again decided to grace us with it's presence once again!!!

We bow down to you, Friday...

#AllTheLove

We've got a busy weekend of birthday parties (again! Lots of winter/spring babies in our friend group!) playdates, and staying inside because... 

Spring in Oregon is no Spring at all. 

Sorry Oregon, I loves ya and all.. but can we just knock off the cold sh** already?? 

Thanks for the 2 days of dry weather recently, but would it kill you to just catch up to everyone else in the country? I've got a sweet patio that is just begging to be sat upon while sipping some fine Pinot while watching the children be crazy...

(warning- photo and brain dump to follow)

I went to the dentist last week and all my hygienist and I could talk about (between all the muffled "uh-nuhs, oh un knuuss!!" while her hands were in my mouth) was how flipping cold our 40-degree day was. I had to break out my big scarf and was still freezing. 

Trying to find a steady stream of indoor activities on the weekends for kids is like trying to find that tiny action figure piece under the couch... probably ain't gonna happen. But, Austin and I both love the library so we got all Twinsies in our camo pants and hung out amongst the books one rainy Saturday.

And just because an approaching Spring that's colder than our Winter isn't enough of a cruel joke...the world gives you Daylight Savings Time! #Huzzah. We were all kinds of topsy-turvy and not-being-tired-at-what-should-be-sleepy-time around the Glynn house.

Sigh. What is one supposed to do when the weather is stormy?? Oh, I know... gaze out the window and then witness big brother throw a hissy fit when the power flicks off and the cartoons disappear. Life is so hard, guys. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures... Saturday night (once the power came back on) the hubby and I broke out the emergency bottle of champagne (Andre.. classy all the way!!) and I let the boys play Beauty Parlor with my 4-days-of-dry-shampoo birds nest. The things I do to get a few moments of peace among the minions...

Also... #Typical

Owen pulled one of my socks off, there is a pile of blankets and pillows from our Couch Jumping adventures, Batman is catching a breather.. and basically this is how we roll... All.The.Time.

Sometimes I realize I'm not screwing up this parenting thing too bad. We went grocery shopping and our little Ninja Turtle noticed a mess in the chip aisle and decided it was his civic duty to put all the bags of chips left on the floor back where they belong. 

Still feeling stir-crazy because of the stupid rain.. we headed to the mall for lunch last Sunday. I whipped out my Jedi Mind Tricks and convinced Austin that it would be really super cool for him to use his little stash of cash to pay for both he and his brother's passage on the Merry-Go-Round.. gotta instill good spending habits early, right??

Hour 38 of our weekend confinement as the rain pounds down.. Waldo is nowhere to be found, but the seemingly cute toddler distracts with a smile before attempting to rip up the book and cause a frenzy among the masses. 

Moments When Brotherly Love Actually Happened!

Man, having two kids is a challenge sometimes... there is a lot of jostling for space, attention, time and territory.

But, there are a few hot seconds where my boys are actually nice to each other. Lately they've been really sweet together... and I'm highly suspicious of this behavior. 

They're up to something, I swear. 

So I decided to document some of their sweeter moments, so I can look back at this post and remember that they are capable of being sweet together... the next time one pushes the other one over, causes that one to scream, then steals the toy back and starts screaming himself at the injustice of it all.

Basically, I'll need to look back on this post like every single day for the next 13 years or so..... 

Meeting baby brother for the first time, Austin was pretty thrilled! A new toy that makes lots of noise!! Just what a 2-year-old wants. I love how he wanted to hold Owen right away, and how intently he was paying attention to Daddy's instructions on how to gently hold his new brother.

This was one of those "I turned around" moments.. in that we just got home for the day and Owen was fussing because he was hungry. Austin found his extra bottle we brought home from daycare, and started feeding baby brother. So I was like "sweet! Looks like you got things handled.. I'm gonna go run some errands, be back in an hour." Ha.  

 Someone was a little freaked out by the darkness when we checked out our carved pumpkins! Austin is trying to comfort Owen by putting his hand on his back and probably explaining how Halloween is really fun and you get lots and lots of candy and Mommy and Daddy let you stay up late and all that jazz.

 Sometimes... you need a break from jumping off the couch into the big pile of pillows... so you decide to check out the latest book. Pointing out the picture of the baby potty is all the rage. Look for their review up on Goodreads!!!

 This goes along so well with my dream that one of my children will be a famous athlete and buy dear Mommy a vacation home! Yes, you guys keep working on those hoop skills!

 Lately Mr. Owen is going through the young toddler "I can do it myself!!!" independence surge (cue the excitement....not) and refuses to be carried into daycare in the mornings. Since we have to walk along the parking lot, I want him to hold a hand... guess who's hand he insists on holding?

 Usually when there is food involved, they are calm with each other. But only if they have the SAME food. At the SAME time. In the SAME portion. God forbid anyone who gives Austin a whole waffle when Owen is half done with his... that poor half-eaten waffle gets thrown aside and a new WHOLE waffle just like brother has is demanded.

I hope so much these two grow up to be friends...close friends. The ones that call each other and go "geez, Mom is driving me crazy right now." and they can bond with each other over life and their super awesome (crazy, what crazy??) Mom. 

And in between the fighting, toy-stealing, pushing, claiming ownership/independence/space... I see glimpses that that friendship might actually happen. 

The Moment I Finally Became a Momma Bear

We all know the definition of a Momma Bear:

Momma Bear (noun) 1. one of the most protective animals in all of nature, known for providing and caring for her cubs 2. A parent fiercely devoted to protecting her children. "Woe be to one who provokes the wrath of the mother bear from protecting her young." 

Momma Bears are all around us on social media, and in our everyday lives. They are the ones that make it clear that if YOU mess with THEIR kids, there is going to be hell to pay. 

When I became a mom, there were a lot of things that shocked me, and I will freely admit that I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood. It was a type of selflessness I couldn't fathom, although I've always been the type of person who put others first. There is a big difference between, say, making sacrifices to support your husband's career and making the type of sacrifices it takes to bring a child into a world.

For a long time after having Austin, I seriously doubted my capabilities as a mom. I just didn't feel that fiercely protective Momma Bear instinct in me. 

I would see posts in my Moms Facebook group about women hyperventilating over the thought of leaving their baby for 2 hours to go to the dentist, or making comments about how they hadn't had a date with their husband in over 3 years because they just couldn't imagine ever leaving their little one for that long.

I was really confused about these types of moms because I didn't relate to them at all.

Hyperventilating over the thought of leaving your baby with your husband for a few hours? I was so overwhelmed after having Austin that I was desperate for someone else to hold him... because I didn't quite know how, or I was afraid he'd cry and I wouldn't know what to do. 

I cried and begged my husband not to go into work because I didn't want to be left alone with the baby all day... I didn't want the burden of being the only one to care for him.

I suffered from PPD and anxiety so bad that instead of panicking at the thought of leaving my baby... I panicked at the thought of being around him.  

What was wrong with me???? 

I can't even tell you the times I shed tears over this thought... and wondered if I was the worst mom ever... why wasn't I obsessed with my baby like all these other moms?

Why did I never worry if he was breathing in the middle of the night? Why did I happily hand him off to my husband, my Mom, my sister-in-law, my co-worker... anyone who wanted to hold him, and then feel like a huge weight had be lifted off me and I could finally breathe again? 

Why did I start to get anxiety picking him up for daycare, knowing I was now the one to care for him for the next 12 hours? 

I felt like a monster.

I felt like I was unworthy of this beautiful child, unworthy of this gift of motherhood that so many other women fight and fight for... some who never see victory. 

I was ashamed to admit how I was feeling to anyone, I thought for sure I would be judged for not being the baby-obsessed Momma Bear society expects all women who have children to be. 

I smiled. I faked it. I put on a front to those around me. I brushed things off and tried to crack jokes to hide how inadequate I felt every moment of every day. 

Inside though, I was terrified I was never going to feel that pull. That fierce Momma Bear protectiveness.

I wanted to feel it. I wanted to know it was in me, that I was capable of that feeling.. that motherhood wasn't all just frustration, leaky boobs, crying babies, poop smeared clothes and wondering if I'd ever get more than 3 hours of sleep again. 

I wanted, so desperately for something to happen that would shake me to the core. 

It finally happened when Austin was around 18 months old. He had just been introduced to the potty at daycare, and at home. He wasn't using it, but for encouragement's sake, he got to check it out, maybe sit on it and be aware of what it was. 

To help with the potty awareness, daycare switched to changing his diapers while he was standing up and we followed suite and did the same at home. It was supposed to help him feel like a big boy, and get used to cleaning himself in that position. 

I was changing him at home after a poopy diaper and he did was he always does at daycare... he turned around, bent to touch his toes, and exposed his little bum to me so I could wipe him. 

I just sat there and stared at him in that position for a second... because it hit me. 

"Oh my god, I would kill for him." 

The Momma Bear came alive in me. 

I saw my sweet little boy before me... exposed, vulnerable, trusting. And I knew in that instant I had it in me, and that if anyone ever hurt him in any way... if they ever stole his innocence, or violated his trust, I would kill them. 

I would lay my life on the line, I would attack, I would do whatever I had to do... claws and fangs out, to protect that sweetness that was standing before me. 

So my Momma Bear was there after all... she was just lying quietly in her cave...but she was there, that I am sure of now. She may be quiet and not make herself known over every little grievance, but she is there deep in my heart. 

She knew motherhood was overwhelming for me, that it was confusing and I think she was waiting for me to figure all that out... to come out of the fog of new motherhood and realize that I was surviving, I was making it, before she showed herself. 

Maybe I didn't panic at the thought of leaving my baby with Grandma so I could have a date night, or get up 15 times a night to make sure he was still breathing... but that didn't mean I wasn't a good mom, a capable mom, a mom who, when it came down to it, would without hesitation attack to protect her cub. 

Life Lately

Oh man, we made it through another week. 

I always kinda hate the week after my birthday... it's like the let down after Christmas but worse, because I like my birthday way better than Christmas. 

That's why I got nuthin' for ya today.... my brain just isn't functioning. So just a bit of a phone dump/life update/random thoughts post for you today!

So basically I had the best birthday weekend ever. I took the day before off, because who wants to work on the day before their birthday??? Ha. I joined my bestie Kenzie for an afternoon at her super swanky gym (which is more like a country club) for wine, lunch, hot tubbing and retired-rich-people-working-out-midday-watching.

My actual birthday on Saturday just couldn't have been better.. I was surprised with brunch at one of my favorite spots with a slew of my favorite ladies....

My bestie Monique then took me for a mani/pedi treat...

Then the hubby pulled out all the stops and took me out for an awesome dinner, complete with big ol' martinis... 

Then scored major points by taking me to the ballet!! They performed Romeo & Juliet, which is one of the ballets I've always wanted to see! It didn't disappoint.. and the theater let you take your cup of wine inside with you.. with a lid and straw, of course. #Classy

The boys recently had double well-child checkups..(Owen's 18 month and Austin's 4 year) and we found out Owen had a double ear infection (ugh)

And that Austin is braver than he thought about getting shots... and now he's done with vaccines until he's 11!!! Whoop whoop!! I also found out I make big kids.. both are over the 95% for height!

 Maybe they will be professional basketball players and buy their dear Mommy who loved and supported them and ruined her boobs for them a nice vacation house somewhere tropical. 

Neal took this picture a few nights ago and nothing sums up our life better... wearing cozies (PJ's), hanging with Spiderman, top knot in full effect, and all piled on the couch together. In between the fort building, couch jumping, chasing and sword fighting... boys can be calm and sweet. Sometimes.

And yes, Owen is totally rocking Christmas PJ's in February... #YOLO

Sometimes I just wish the boys would grow up a little bit... the frustration over tantrums, and toddler attitudes really gets to me and I just want them to be past that stage... but then I notice their little hands and my heart tugs a lot. Something about those little chubby hands makes me want them to stay little forever.

#AllTheHeartEyes

It's Friday... and I Got Nuthin'... But Love For Ya!

Oh man, we made it through another week. 

I always kinda hate the week after my birthday... it's like the let down after Christmas but worse, because I like my birthday way better than Christmas. 

That's why I got nuthin' for ya today.... my brain just isn't functioning. So just a bit of a phone dump/life update/random thoughts post for you today!

*********************************************************************************

So basically I had the best birthday weekend ever. I took the day before off, because who wants to work on the day before their birthday??? Ha. I joined my bestie Kenzie for an afternoon at her super swanky gym (which is more like a country club) for wine, lunch, hot tubbing and retired-rich-people-working-out-midday-watching.

My actual birthday on Saturday just couldn't have been better.. I was surprised with brunch at one of my favorite spots with a slew of my favorite ladies....

My bestie Monique then took me for a mani/pedi treat...

Then the hubby pulled out all the stops and took me out for an awesome dinner, complete with big ol' martinis... 

Then scored major points by taking me to the ballet!! They performed Romeo & Juliet, which is one of the ballets I've always wanted to see! It didn't disappoint.. and the theater let you take your cup of wine inside with you.. with a lid and straw, of course. #Classy

 *********************************************************************************

The boys recently had double well-child checkups..(Owen's 18 month and Austin's 4 year) and we found out Owen had a double ear infection (ugh)

And that Austin is braver than he thought about getting shots... and now he's done with vaccines until he's 11!!! Whoop whoop!! I also found out I make big kids.. both are over the 95% for height!

 Maybe they will be professional basketball players and buy their dear Mommy who loved and supported them and ruined her boobs for them a nice vacation house somewhere tropical. 

 *********************************************************************************

Neal took this picture a few nights ago and nothing sums up our life better... wearing cozies (PJ's), hanging with Spiderman, top knot in full effect, and all piled on the couch together. In between the fort building, couch jumping, chasing and sword fighting... boys can be calm and sweet. Sometimes.

And yes, Owen is totally rocking Christmas PJ's in February... #YOLO

 *********************************************************************************

Sometimes I just wish the boys would grow up a little bit... the frustration over tantrums, and toddler attitudes really gets to me and I just want them to be past that stage... but then I notice their little hands and my heart tugs a lot. Something about those little chubby hands makes me want them to stay little forever.

#AllTheHeartEyes