Ten Things That Shocked the Heck Out of Me When I Became a Parent

Ok, so Austin is turning 4 on Sunday. 

FOUR.

I have, like.. a legit KID now... not a baby, not a toddler...but a kid!! So in an effort to try and not lose my sh** and get too emotional about how he's growing up way too fast.. I'm turning to comedy. Laughing helps me not cry.... even though I probably still will sniffle a bit.

Austin made me a Mommy. He was my first baby and I didn't have a lot of experience with babies before him. I was clueless, to say the least.

I didn't exactly ease into motherhood that well... I had a huge learning curve and plenty of "what did I just do to my life????" moments in those first months.

There were a lot of things that shocked the heck out of me when I became a parent.. please tell me I'm not the only one!!! 

1. Babies don't like to be set down 

What is this?? He cries when I put him down? How do I eat? I need to go to the bathroom.. what do I do?? I didn't really know anything about baby-wearing with Austin so I learned to do everything one handed. Now, I can go to the bathroom and make lunch while holding a baby (even a nursing baby)! Legit life skills, right there.

2. The weight doesn't just "melt off"

Damn you celebrities and your amazing bodies 4 weeks post-baby. And damn you for cooing in interviews that the weight "just kind of melted off." NO IT DOESN'T YOU BIG FAT LIARS!!! This is me 5 months after having Austin. #RedCarpetReadyFoSho

3. Sleep never really comes back

I thought "ok, you have a baby, you get some sleepless nights for a bit, then the baby starts to sleep and all is well again. HARDY HAR HAR. No. There is teething, and colds, and coughs, and wet diapers, and losing pacifiers... and even when THEY sleep.. you are still on high alert and jump into attack mode at every single sound.

4. Birth is not always a beautiful, empowering experience

Well, maybe for some. I was induced with Austin because I was borderline pre-eclempsia (really scary high blood pressure) and my birth was... well, painful. The epidural didn't work, I felt everything, my hair was up in a messy scrunchie, I was screaming and sweaty. Maybe the screaming was empowering?? I dunno.  I just wanted the whole thing to be over with.

5. Connecting with your husband is hard

Even though Neal was an amazing partner when Austin was born, I felt really alone a lot of the time. The struggles I felt were mine and mine alone. I was the only one who could nurse, I was the only one awake all night with worry or insomnia while he slept soundly. He got to leave for work and I was left with an unhappy baby all day... he got to "escape" a lot of the stress and pressures I was feeling. This lead to resentment (on my part) that we really had to work on to get through. That was a shock.

6. Taking care of yourself just doesn't happen

I foolishly thought I'd be this cute put-together Mom and go walk around the mall when I was on maternity leave. Again.. laughing at myself. Neal would come home countless times and there I was... on the couch in my ratty bathrobe, one boob hanging out... and I'd say "I didn't even get a chance to put on deodorant today. Or brush my teeth. Or change my underwear." Being a Mom is soooo glamorous!

the one day I managed to put on makeup and do my hair!! I had to document it. Austin was so tiny!!!

7. Nursing is hard
I thought you had a baby.. and you nursed them and that was that. I was not expecting to have issues with milk supply, or Googling breastfeeding tips at 3am while my baby is screaming. I never expected to sit and sob over my boobs.... but I did. Many times. And don't get my started on pumping. #MooI'mACow

8. The car becomes your enemy
You know in the movies... the new parent is mindless driving around in the middle of the night to get their baby to finally fall asleep. Little did I know that some babies HATE the car... (aka- my child). I would get anxiety every time I had to drive somewhere with him when he was a baby... bracing myself for the endless crying and fussing that was to come. Damn you Hollywood for misleading me!

He's only smiling because the we weren't driving yet...

9. Moms can be mean 
I wish this wasn't true... but it is. I joined a Mommy Facebook group right after having Austin and quickly left it after I was pretty much shamed for sharing that I was giving Austin formula. Women I've never met before, hiding behind a smartphone.. made me cry and feel like a bad mom. Just because I wasn't making enough milk to feed my baby. I don't understand the Mommy Wars and never will... what is the point of making another mom feel like sh** when she's only trying to do her best?

10. I would never be the same
Physically, mentally, emotionally. I am not the same person I was before January 24th 2012. Alone time has taken on a whole new meaning (running errands alone- the joy!!!), holidays are no longer about my experience but about making everything fun for my boys. When I go shopping I find myself wandering over to the kid's clothes because they are so fun to buy... my boys are always on my mind and I always want to spoil them.
My hair is grayer, my tummy isn't as flat, my boobs aren't as perky, and I'll wake up to the smallest little sniff or cough in the middle of the night. I'm a mom... all because my little Austin came along.
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Thank you Austin, for rocking my world... in all the big ways and in all the little ways. I can't believe I get to be your Mommy and watch you grow and learn...all while growing and learning myself. Every single hard moment, every tear I shed... was absolutely, without a doubt, worth it.

Thank you Austin, for being YOU!!! I just couldn't love you more!!

Ok, now I'm going to go be sad for a little bit over my baby turning 4....