Enter the Power Struggles

As I have said before.. just when you think you know toddlers.. you realize you know NOTHING and have to go back to the drawing board and come up with a new strategy as a parent.

We have entered the realm of Power Struggles and its kicked our ass a few times already.

Backstory- Austin started walking at 10 months old.. so since then he’s been a “toddler” more than a “baby” and for these last 13 months.. he’s been an easy-going toddler 90% of the time. We’ve had some rough situations, and some tantrums… but those were mostly about him getting frustrated, or learning right from wrong (like no hitting).. things like that. He was easy going because he was happy. Quick to smile. Quick to laugh. Loved new people. Loved new places. Loved adventures. Went to bed everynight with no struggle and slept until morning. In many aspects, he was a breeze.

So that was the last 13 months.. now.. just within the last 5-6 weeks or so.. he’s changed.

He has stopped being so easy-going, and is more.. well, for lack of better word.. moody.

If he’s having an off day, you better not try and touch him, play with him, tickle him, look at him, sing to him, talk to him or basically be around him.

He started saying “no” to everything and simple things have turned into the biggest challenges: getting him to wear clothes. Getting him to wear a coat. Getting him to wear shoes. Getting him to sit down for dinner. Getting him to take a bath. Getting him to go to bed.

All things that we breezed through for over a year.

Between discussions with Neal last night and texts with friends, I realized that Austin is becoming more deep. More into his own; more into a non-baby/toddler personality.

We have a PERSON now in the house that we have to learn about, get used to, figure out how to live with and work around.. kind of like moving in with a new roommate.. no longer is he just happily toddling around the house playing and once and awhile getting mad because he can’t put his shoe on.. he now realizes he is his own person, he’s aware that he feels certain ways and has an opinion, and has decided to set up boundaries and his own bubble of self.

It was a fast transition.. and one Neal and I weren’t totally prepared for.

For example.. coming home.. we used to come home from work/school and he was excited to play! Wrestling with Daddy!!! Now, we get home and he needs awhile to be quiet. Decompress. Get used to being at home. He gets upset if we try and engage or play with him before he is ready.

Or take dinnertime… we used to plunk him in his highchair, give him food and he would eat or not eat. If he didn’t eat, we’d put him down and he’d toddle off. Now, if he doesn’t eat he doesn’t want to be put down to play. He realizes that Mommy and Daddy are still at the table and he’s not and he’s not sure how to handle that. He doesn’t want it to be dinnertime. He wants it to be playtime and he suddenly is aware that he feels like this.

For months, whatever you need your toddler to do, you just did it…. Time for a bath? PLUNK. Put them in the tub. Time to get dressed? DONE. Put clothes on them. Time to eat? PLOP. Into their highchair they go.

Then toddlers become AWARE and that’s when the Power Struggles start. They are aware that there is a state of undressed and dressed, and they are aware of which they prefer. They are aware that they enjoy playtime and don’t want to stop to eat, to change a diaper, take a bath or go to bed.

The proverbial lightbulb for them goes off and damn it blinds the parents!!

So now it feels like we are back to Square 1 with him. Everything that worked, everything we thought we knew about our kid seems to be not that true anymore. We had talks like “how can ease the transition to dinnertime better?” Obviously there is something about it that Austin is struggling with because we are in another “he won’t eat a single bite” mode, and the minute we set him in his chair, he wants out and is “all done” and starts crying and fussy and being unhappy.

We also had to talk about how to recognize when he needs to be left alone to chill, and when he is ready for playing. How to navigate his different moods and emotions. How we can encourage him to be a good member of our family but not create power struggles by always saying “no” or setting up too-strict of rules, or forcing him.

Its tricky business I tell ya.. tricky. And delicate.

To be truthful.. he is becoming more like me. Neal is super laid back, nothing ever bothers him or effects his moods, etc.. he’s happy-go-lucky 99.9% of the time. Me.. I’m mercurial. I need my space, I have a bubble, I have days where I just ‘can’t deal’ and get cranky.  I have trouble with transitions sometimes and I like routine. It seems like Austin is really starting to become like that too. His looks are all Daddy and his temperament is all Mommy.

I am groaning and my Mom is out there going “haha! Enjoy the taste of THAT medicine!”

Wish us luck as we navigate these new toddler waters!!!