Advice I'd Give Myself

I have a 10-month-old, therefore I am an expert in childcare.

Ha.

Never has a more untrue statement been stated…

But… I do feel like I can offer some advice to all the new Moms, soon-to-be Moms, and hope-to-be-Moms who might do me the honor of reading my blog..

If I could go back and do it all over again, here is what I’d tell myself:

Dads Do it Different

Your husband or partner is not going to parent like you do. And you have to just be ok with this, or deal with nick-picking and arguing with your husband over every little thing from what they dress your baby in to how they rock them to sleep. A friend of mine has the mantra “Dads do it different” and this is SO true. Neal used to let Austin cry a bit when he was a newborn because he thought it was cute, he’d talk and coo to him, and I would get so mad at him because I wanted to just hurry up and feed him/change him/rock him and get him to calm down. And sometimes Neal puts Austin in outfits that don’t quite match, or aren't really that “cute.” I want to say something, or just change him so he looks cuter.. but I've learned to just live and let live. So don’t stress Mommas… Dads do it different, but at the end of the day, it still gets done.

Don’t Sweep, Babies Don’t Keep (for long)

I had such a hard time on my maternity leave because I expected a baby who would sleep all day. I thought I’d have no trouble keeping up my at-home lifestyle of cooking, baking, organizing and cleaning. Then reality sets in and I realized what a fool I was. I would agonize and stress over dishes that were in the sink, or the fact that some closet was soooo messy and I didn't have time to clean it out. Mommas- who the hell cares???????? Hold your baby. All day if they need it. The dishes will wait, close the closet door and just enjoy the baby time, because it does go by really fast and they aren't tiny babies for very long. Sadly I spent a lot of mine being upset because I didn't have time to prepare gourmet meals each evening. This is why God invented fast food and freezers. Use them.

Throw the Books Out

OMG. The parenting books/websites/forums/blogs that exist out there are enough to smother any new Mom. And of course they are all full of judgmental Moms who think their way is best, their technique will raise the next Einstein… and they don’t do you any good other than making you feel like a failure because your kid isn't identifying animals by 9 months old. THROW THE BOOKS OUT AND STAY OFF MOMMY WEBSITES!!!! Seriously. Trust me. Just listen to your gut and do what you want to do. Want to be an attachment parent? Awesome. Be the best damn attachment parent you can be and to hell with anyone who wants to criticize you. Want to feed your kid Gerber food and not spend hours chopping, peeling and steaming organic farm raised veggies? Do it and do not feel like less of a Mom because you do. I read way too many Mommy blogs and websites and would feel horrible about myself in one way or the other because of something I was doing or not doing every single time. I cried over them so many times I lost count. It is your baby and you do what you feel is best.. and don’t let anyone make you feel bad or guilty because of it.

How Now, Milk Cow?

It has been no secret on this blog that my boobies decided not to produce copious amounts of milk. Oh how I cried, and researched, and yelled and agonized over this. So many resources out there for Moms that not only support breast feeding, but actually put down formula and call it “poison” and basically tell you that you are a failure if you formula feed because if you were only a little more “dedicated” you could have breast fed too (another reason to listen to my Advice #3 above!). YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE BECAUSE YOU DON’T PRODUCE MILK. Now repeat that 100 times if need be. My Dr. said it best- your body is going to do what it is going to do, and there is very little you can do to control that. If you don’t make much milk and feed your baby formula, then you are a good Mom for feeding your baby and doing everything necessary to give your baby the food it needs. Some people produce gallons of milk a day, and some just a few drops. Some people are tall, and some are short. This is just the way the cookie crumbles.

The Light at the End of the 14 Week Tunnel

Ask any new Mom about the “4^th Trimester (the first 12-14 weeks after birth) and you will probably get one response back- “it was hell.” Yep. Yep it is. I can’t disagree with that. You are learning how to take care of a baby, trying to nurse, waking every 2 hours (or less) and your whole world turns upside down. Remember those days pre-baby where you got to shower and put on deodorant every day? Yeah.. say bye-bye to those days. You have no idea until you have a baby how it CONSUMES your every second, and this is hardest adjustment to make post-birth. Oh, and did I mention babies cry and fuss A LOT in these 14 weeks, and don’t sleep well? Yeah, you can see why new Moms lose their shit at the beginning, me included. But guess what? IT GETS BETTER. Like much, much better… you hit 14 weeks and suddenly you baby just kinda… settles. Chills out. Sleeps a bit longer. Eats a bit better. Smiles. Interacts. Coos. And your heart bursts with love for this little… And suddenly you have time to put on deodorant again and you feel human once more. So know you’ll be fine.. just have a 14 week supply of wine on hand, and you’ll power through.

Love At First Sight is for the Movies

Ok, so my experience may not be everyone’s, but when Austin was born, I loved him for sure. No doubt. But I remember being the hospital, looking at him and wondering when the rush of “oh my god I love you SO DAMN MUCH MY BODY HURTS” kind of consuming love everyone claims happens at birth. It never happened. I thought something was wrong with me. I told Neal something was wrong with me. I researched post-partum depression.. why wasn't I head over heels in love with my baby? Am I that much of a cold-hearted bitch?? Is my son going to grow up to be a psycho because Mommy didn't love him from birth? To answer to all of this is a big fat “no.” This brand new person came into your life, and it takes time to get to know them, bond with them, and fall in love with them. I now get that heart-fluttering, punch-in-the-gut feeling of love toward Austin, but it took some time to get there. So don’t despair if it isn't instant Mommas.. just enjoy falling in love.

I know Neal is going to read this and go "thank god she is FINALLY listening to all the good sense I tried to shove down her throat throughout this whole process." 

I know honey, you were right. 

There. I said it. 

Now let me show you what Austin's 'cute' outfits are...