The Thing I Didn't Want Anyone to Know About

Neal and I are going to San Diego for New Year’s.

For a week.

By OURSELVES.

As in, we are leaving Austin here with my Mom.

FOR A WEEK.

Let me backpedal…. When Neal and I were married in September 2010, he had just started his school year. It was not a good time for us to go on a honeymoon, plus we were pretty broke after all the wedding stuff. We planned on a summer 2011 grand honeymoon. We were thinking Mediterranean cruise type grand.

Whoops. I got pregnant in May 2011.

So traveling somewhere grand obviously went out the window. We had to start saving up for a baby and medical bills.

So one date night back over the summer (after a few drinks) Neal asked me when was the next time we were going to do something fun? Because let’s not kid ourselves… midnight crying, poop flying everywhere and 24/7 baby demands aren’t exactly fun, ya know?

Our marriage suffered a bit this year. We bickered a lot. Tensions were high, stress was high, we were thrown into this role we never experienced before and had to sludge our way through it. We felt disconnected. We felt like Austin slaves and not husband and wife anymore, or best friends anymore.

Flash back to that dinner date over the summer and Neal’s question of when we were going to do something fun, because we needed it. I suggested a trip to San Diego to see my Aunt. She’s had an open-door invite to us for years.

Perfect! Let’s do New Years! Its slow at my work, Neal is out of school, the weather should be nice and it would be just what we need! A honeymoon we never got.

Tickets were booked before I knew it…

And then I panicked.

OH MY EFFING GOD. WHAT ON EARTH IS EVERYONE GOING TO THINK WHEN THEY FIND OUT I AM LEAVING MY BABY FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK TO GO OFF AND HAVE FUN? WHAT KIND OF SELFISH COW AM I??????????????????????

I panicked big time. I told Neal to cancel our tickets. I researched if babies forgot who their Moms were, I asked his Doctor if I was evil for leaving him for a week. I asked my Mom the same. I asked my closest friends.

And I didn't tell many people about our trip at all… or if they asked, I let them think we were taking Austin with us.

Because I could not handle the thought of being judged for wanting to take a much-needed trip without my almost-toddler.

Neal convinced me that he would be fine…as did my Mom, my good friends, Austin’s Dr… He would not forget who I was, or be damaged for life. He probably wouldn't even notice I was gone (insert big thank you here for birthing a VERY independent secure little person).

Plus he would be with my Mom, who quite possibly loves him more than I do and will devote every waking moment to playing, laughing, and interacting with him.

So there it is folks. I am going on a week-long vacation with my husband and leaving my kiddo behind.

Judge away if you want.

This is one of my New Year’s resolutions… to stop caring what other people will think of me and my Mom decisions. I’m a people pleaser, which isn’t a bad thing… but it was getting to the point where my fear of being judged by others was crippling. Enough is enough. 

So on that note… watch out San Diego! Here come the Glynn’s!!!