Oh, the great breast-feeding debate.
When you become a Mom you quickly find out that there is a huge battle being fought out in Mommyland regarding what is the best way to feed your baby... boob or bottle?
Of course, we all know breast milk is best. It has everything baby needs, it travels along with you, it establishes a bond between Mom and baby, and on and on and on. There are die-hard breastfeeding advocacy groups out there that shun formula and encourage breastfeeding until your child is going to enter Kindergarten.
This overzealous community of breastfeeders out there, however; can very quickly make a susceptible person such as myself, feel guilty about any breastfeeding difficulties that may arise....
It was always my intention to breastfeed Austin. There was really no other option in my mind. I knew it would be inconvenient at times, and exhausting, and frustrating... but I knew the rewards would be a healthy happy baby.
Well.... what do you do if you are breastfeeding and you don't have that happy baby everyone said you'd have? And you just keep running into issues such as...
-not having a large milk supply
-having slow let down (as in, your milk doesn't flow out very fast)
-having a very slow nurser
-having a gassy fussy baby
-and having a fussy, fussy (did I mention FUSSY????) baby
I'm at a crossroads. Austin is 1 month old and other than about a week where we had to supplement him with formula to get rid of his jaundice, my boobs have been at his beck and call and he's exclusively breastfed. I'm doing my Mommy duty and giving him (what I hope) is everything he needs.
Well, sadly....all the issues I mentioned above are my breastfeeding reality. I have wracked my brain over and over trying to figure out why my baby isn't happy... why he is fussy and crying (and a lot of the times screaming) whenever he is awake... and grunting and groaning and moaning and waking himself up when he's sleeping??
Maybe I'm not producing enough milk and he's hungry?
Well, I've tried milk production cookies, pumping to increase my supply, and fenugreek to pump up my supply. So far I still have not turned into a milk cow. I nurse him whenever he acts hungry, even if I just nursed him 20 mins earlier...still he fusses, cries and cries...
Maybe something I'm eating is transferring to him and giving him gas?
I cut out dairy (the #1 culprit in newborn gas) and he still fusses and grunts in pain every day.. usually for hours.
So... what do I do?
Do we soldier through and hope that he grows out of it, or that things improve?
Or do I cave and start supplementing him with formula again... in hopes that the combo of giving him more food and giving him something that doesn't have my body chemistry (and whatever is in my milk that is upsetting his tummy) will lead to a happier baby (and happier Mommy)?
I can't help it though.. I feel guilty giving him formula. Really really guilty. I feel like since I am producing milk and since I can breastfeed him, I should breastfeed.. and only breastfeed him, even if that means we spend ALL DAY doing nothing but nursing.
The fact that I don't have a happy milk-drunk baby that is a result of just my breast milk makes me feel like a failure of a woman. I'm sad and frustrated that my body is apparently not doing what it should be doing to make life for Austin a happy existence.
Is formula the "Saving Grace" I've been seeking?? Would one or two bottles of formula a day, on top of nursing, help his disposition? I know it would help on days like today where I nursed him every 30 mins and spent the non-nursing minutes trying massages, baths, leg pumps, back patting, soothing, gas drops, and everything else I could think of to help his tummy.
I am waving the white Mommy flag and saying "ok! I give! I need help! My baby is unhappy everyday... I'm frazzled and worn out and my brain is out of ideas on how to help him..."
But is introducing formula the solution????
I don't know if I can get over the guilt hurdle that is in front of me... I know a lot of Moms give there babies formula, and I'm not in anyway judging them... but I feel like if I start supplementing Austin on formula.. I myself will be judged by all those who are so pro-breastfeeding they view formula as evil.
Any fellow Mommies out there have any advice?
3 comments:
Any amount of breast milk for baby is better than none. I stopped nursing after 4 months because all I could think about was my boobs 24/7 and it was making me miserable. Being a happy mom is so much better than being frazzled - your baby will be happier if you are happier. I felt the same guilt about formula (like it was poison!) but Jack is just as happy and healthy as he was before - you've given Austin a great healthy start - and if you continue nursing and supplement as well there's nothing to feel guilty about. It's a decision you have to make though - but you're not alone!!!
I would stick out the breastfeeding- more than likely when you go back to work, nursing will only last so long. I was pumping when I went back to work and my boobs didn't like producing milk for the pump after a while of doing it and I was forced to give it up due to lack of milk. Two good things- my babies got breast milk for as long as I possibly could give it to them and I had to switch to formula but there was no guilt because it wasn't a choice I made when the breast milk was still available.
First, that pressure will continue forever if you let it. There will always be mommies that do something different than you that think their way is best and need to tell you about it and will make you feel terrible if you let them. You have to do what is best for YOUR family and anyone that isn't Neal, you or Austin doesn't get an opinion.
Second, have you tried an elimination diet? Obviously I'm not a mom and I'm not a lactation specialist but I've heard from a few people with gassy babies that after they pretty much eliminated EVERYTHING in their diet baby felt better and they were slowly able to incorporate foods in one by one to find the stressor. Huge undertaking for you, but I've never heard of it NOT working for anyone that was willing to put in the effort of doing it.
And third, you know I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate and I've said this before and I'll say it again if giving up nursing and switching to formula will make YOU less stressed and make you a better mother than DO IT and don't feel guilty about it.
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