So… pregnancy #2… (no it has not happened yet!!!) but it is
hopefully in the near-ish future, so of course I'm thinking about it... wondering
about it...
and there are a few things that popped into my head as far as what
I hope WILL happened again, and what WON'T happen again:
What I Hope WON'T happen again:
-that pregnancy becomes my excuse to eat like crap. Let's face it.
I ate a whole jar of nacho cheese by myself, stopped at Taco Bell one too many
times and made Dairy Queen my second home. Not happening round #2. I’ll give
into some cravings, but my body will not be treated as a garbage disposal
again.
-that I become lazy. So… I didn’t exercise much with Austin. I
tried too, and in the early months I did great with walking all the time, but
as the weather turned bad I stopped making an effort and I really should have
tried to continue with yoga or stretching or something.
- that I fear the needle. I got pretty used
to all the poking they do to you during a pregnancy, and the epidural is your
friend. I will concentrate my fear on the real enemy- nurses who can’t put in
an IV well.
-the “first time Mom jitters” and freak out about every little
thing. Being pregnant with Austin went something like this… “OMG! That Caesar
salad dressing has RAW EGG YOLKS IN IT! I CAN’T EAT RAW EGGS! OMG OMG OMG!!!”
Talk to my Dr. in a panic to ask for advice. He laughs. Tells me to calm the
hell down. Ok, so not in those words… but let’s just say a lot of things out
there are scare-tatic type things. You will not deform your baby by eating a
salad with some Caesar dressing on it.
-that I feel like a failure and beat myself up mercilessly if I don’t
produce much milk or can’t nurse. The things I said to myself the first time
were ugly. I’m ashamed I ever thought I was a horrible Mom because my body
didn’t make much milk. Too many tears were shed about it and the next time,
I’ll know that the most important thing is that my baby is fed. Whether by my body
or by a bottle, it doesn’t matter.
-that I swell up to the size of the Michelin Man again. I gained 60lbs with Austin, and almost half of that was water weight. Seriously, folks. I’m not exaggerating to make myself sound better. I left the hospital over 40lbs lighter than I entered because my damn swelling finally went away. The swelling was miserable.
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| So bad... |
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| So very very bad... |
And What I Hope Will Happen…..
- that baby #2 is kind to me in the 1st trimester, like Austin was. I didn’t
have any sickness and I know I’m lucky. I don’t think my co-workers in the
cubes next to me would appreciate hearing me barf at my desk.
-that my boobs get the memo that I’m pregnant this time. The one
chance in a small-chested girl’s life where I can enjoy big ol’ boobs for a bit
and what do mine do? Nothing. I didn’t even need bigger bras during my first
pregnancy. They grew maybe one size. I want to fill out a top for once! Just
for a little bit!!
- that I will listen to Neal more when he says “everything will be
fine” while I’m in the midst of stressing over finances, or how we’ll get out
the door in the morning, or some other parenting issue. I didn’t believe him
once the first time around and just kept-a-stressing… and you know what? He was
right. Yes, I just said that out loud.
- that I will get to be pregnant a bit longer with #2. I was
induced with Austin at 38 weeks exactly and I think that led to his jaundice
which led to his nursing problems. Stupid high blood pressure. I hope and pray
to cook #2 inside me for a bit longer.
- that I will enjoy pregnancy a bit more. The first time I was caught off guard, felt unready, worried about money, worried about daycare, worried about leaving my job for 3 months and didn't really stop to appreciate what was happening to my body or try and bond with pregnancy.
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