The Unexpected

Life is all about expecting the unexpected, right?

I think this is never more true than when you are pregnant, give birth, and survive your first week at home with a newborn.

So what, you ask.... are these little unexpected events? Let me tell ya... (and you know me by now.. I hold nothing back!!!)

1. I did not poop on the table giving birth. I totally expected to. I mean, how could you not?? All that pushing.. things are bound to appear. This was one aspect about giving birth that didn't phase me. I know girls who are and/or were terrified about pooping on the table. That was the least of my worries, I just figured it would happen... but it didn't.

2. My IV hurt 100 times worse than the epidural. I was so terrified about the epidural needle going into my back that I would hyperventilate just thinking about it. But seeing the lovely "track mark" bruises up and down both my arms from my veins not cooperating for my IV, and how sore that spot was for days... I'll take the needle I couldn't feel at all in my spine any old day.

3. I didn't yell at Neal. I thought I was going to to much that I started pre-apologizing to him months before Austin's birth... "you know whatever I may say while I'm in labor is totally pain related, right? That I don't mean what may come out of my mouth, right?" I expected to be that lady screaming "YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU BASTARD!!!" and cursing the day I met this evil man who got me pregnant. But... nope. Neal was my rock and my comfort the entire time and totally escaped my wrath.

4. That men are men. No matter what. Even when their post-labor pathetic wives ask them nicely to put the toilet seat down so shuffling to the bathroom would be easier on her poor, wrecked soul... but men are still men. And the toilet seat was always up.

And to think I even let him watch sports in the hospital room...

5. I didn't think we'd get no sleep at night. I know, how stupid could I be, right???? But I read that most babies out-of-womb actions mimic their in-womb actions. Austin always slept through the night. He never moved at night or in the early morning. Ever. And now I've learned not to believe crap that you read.

6. That all the cliches are true. You do forget about the pain of labor quickly, and you do feel this immense bond and love with this little wrinkly creature and you realize you would do anything for him.

7. Baby clothes are adorable.. and a huge pain in the ass. Especially on newborns, and especially on my little dink of a 7lb newborn. Since all the nurses, doctors and lactation ladies suggest it's best for him to nurse skin-to-skin with me, Austin just ends up being unclothed a lot. And don't worry Mom... I do put clothes on him to take him outside.

Cute.. but now I have to get him out of this... 

8. My baby looks nothing like me. At all. He is 100% mini-Neal in every way. Nine months of carrying that baby inside me and I get no credit in the looks department! Even Austin's left ear has the same exact bend in it that Neal's left ear does... So... you are welcome Neal and the whole Glynn family, for cooking you a perfect heir.

9. I didn't expect my whole body to feel like it was hit by a train. Sure, I knew giving birth would be no picnic, but I pushed so hard I pulled my arm muscles (from holding my legs back), pulled something in my back, and popped my sternum or a rib out of whack... something that makes my chest feel like its crushed in. On the bright side, this might get me out of working out for several more weeks...

10. I didn't expect to love something that looked like this... so very much. :-)

Gas bubble or pooping... you make the call!