I was going to do a whole post about my Resolutions for 2012.
You know, the laundry list of:
-Exercise
-Save money
-Be a better at budgeting
But then, as Neal and I were having a heart-to-heart the other night, I realized there was just one major thing I needed to work on this year. And with Bambino arriving and becoming a family... this was the most important thing I could possibly do.
I need to learn to Let Go.
I use that phrase loosely, because I'm not speaking of letting go of anything in the physical sense, or even in the emotional sense.
It's more of a "learn to relax and just live in the moment" type of letting go.
Let me give you an example of the type of person I am:
It's Saturday. The house is pretty messy. I'm awake at 7am, if not earlier.... and while Neal snoozes and sleeps in, I'm up and about and downstairs because there is too much to do!
Coffee
Dishes
Unload dishwasher
Load dishwasher
Eat
Pick up glasses, dishes, etc from living room
Crap. The stove is a disaster! Take off burners. Spray down stove.
Haul stuff upstairs to be put away.
Laundry in.
Clothes picked up and re-hung in the closet...
Must I go on.. or do you get my point?
This kind of manic cleaning would be fine, if it was a designated "let's clean the house day!" But this is my reality every weekend day of every weekend... and most week nights too.
I find it impossible to sleep in and relax... and spend a day lounging in bed doing nothing? HEART ATTACK!!! I'd go berserk laying there and thinking about all the picking up and organizing I could be doing.
Here's the thing I finally realized though. I robotically clean and pick up every single day... yet what kind of satisfaction am I getting out of it? I get none.
Would there be any harm in just letting the crap sit around once and awhile? Would the world stop turning? Would the very foundation of my life crumble down? Would the winner of The Bachelor finally stay engaged to him?
I think not.
With a baby coming... life is going to be messy. There is going to be toys, laundry, dishes, bottles, spit-up and who knows what else scattered around the house.
But most importantly, there are going to be moments, and laughing, and cuddling, and kissing, and playing.
Do I really think I'm going to be on my death bed one day... wishing I had spent more time organizing and then re-organizing the linen closet? Or making sure every single item was always picked up and the house was continuously spotless?
Letting go for me is going to be hard. I am wired to feel safest and most calm in a clean, non-cluttered space... but more and more lately; I just obsess over the picking up and the organizing and the cleaning and I sacrifice time I could be *gasp!* enjoying myself or relaxing.
Neal has tried and tried to tell me to relax and put my swollen feet up... but no! Off and about I go- upstairs, downstairs, gutting the pantry to re-organize it better... or some other silly little task.
But not anymore.
Usher in the new Jessica.
Jessica version 2012.
The Mom.
The one who will always be up for playing and cuddling and quality time.
The dishes in the sink be damned.
Maybe we can build a fort with them....
4 comments:
I'm the same way haha! Good luck girl,you are going to be a great mom :-)
I am exactly like that too- I like it all clean. The problem with stopping is no one else does it so then when you do clean it is even worse and takes twice as long... at least for me that is what happens. Tonight: work, run home, kid to Bball practice, grab take and bake on the way home, bake it, clean up a few things while it bakes, dish the kids up, stand and eat a slice, then clean up the glass of pop that spilled all over the floor and the wall, then load and unload the dishes, pick up the house, vacuum, switch the laundry, pack the three baskets of laundry into the living room to fold, sit at the computer for a second to "relax" while looking at the mounds waiting to be folded... there are three baskets cuz I put it off and didn't do it... grrrrr so frustrating!
Awesome post Jess, this brought a big smile and tears to my eyes. Remember this, and re-read it to remind yourself of it!!! Especially the last sentence. I really liked it. You'll do great! :)
Good luck with this! I do not have a problem not being tidy, go ahead gasp in disbelief! But as Ali pointed out the longer you leave the mess, the more of a mess it is to clean up when you get around to cleaning it up. I'm sure there's a balance somewhere but I have yet to find it...my house is only spotless for like an hour after the cleaners leave ;-) I am also working on "letting go" but in a very different sense in that I have to shut my fucking brain off and realize whatever is going to happen will happen and no amount of obsessing is going to change it! I wish us both luck in letting go in 2012!
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